Poker Discussion
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To all players who have encountered the situation, or some variation of it. Not to offend any of the talented youngins on the site, but I would like the responses to be post college experience, since college times tend to sidetrack on many tangents and influences.
Here we go, I am a 28 year old from NY. Career is on the right path, working at a large Investment Bank as a Credit Def Swap / Loan Exposure Analyst. Current salary around 200k. All things pointing in right direction. Have a GF for about a year now, and she moved in with me due to her living arrangements and work situation in past September. She is a great girl, who I hope to marry one day. Apartment is not too big, so not very easy to have your own space. Looking at a bigger place next year. I pay all bills and expenses for both of us (she is out of work currently)
Poker: I am a winning player, not too much time for cash games, played mostly the late nite party tourneys. Too put in perspective, I have won the party midnite 100.. 3 times in last year 10k -13k wins, with at least another 10 -12 final tables with results all through 2 – 10. Very good results in Big Sunday tourneys when I play, just not a big win yet. I won a couple of Step 5s for 9k when they first started on party. Those are the bigger wins, plenty of FTs mixed in for less. I havent played much in last coupel months do too the new living arrangements
Dilemma: My GF is 100% against Poker, says its gambling and does not listen to normal reason, even as I won a Party 100 last month for 10k right in front of her. Any logic which shows my winning against the avg player does nothing for my argument, its stuck in her head that she doesn’t like it. She is very stubborn about anything that she thinks is wrong… She does say however, that going down to Atlantic City on the odd occasion is OK. Just that playing online is ridiculous and gambling gambling gambling. She refuses to listen to any argument. Poker is fun for me, I love the competition, I love the math, and my record shows I can beat 95% of tourney players pretty consistently. I would rather play a late nite tourney than sit at a local bar with couple friends. Nothing has changed her opinion about this. I have offered a compromise of playing once a week, just a 100 or 50 tourney. She says playing once a week is like going to AC once a week, which would be crazy and unacceptable. I have hardened my stance recently since I believe she is going too far. This is my fun, and I am a winning player. She has said if I play once a week in one tourney it will threaten our relationship. I do not like being held hostage like this, I believe it’s a bit unreasonable to make the threat. But I can’t question another person’s opinion on it, it’s their opinion I guess, and they have every right to believe as strongly as they want.
Need:
I need to know what’s happening out there regarding this.. How have you guys handled the situation? And am I or she being unreasonable here. I am obviously not going to lose her because of poker, but I don’t agree with being told I can’t play because of someone’s flawed opinion. This is my fun, I am a 28 year old adult who pays all the bills and takes care of everything. All serious thoughts are greatly appreciated.
ginzorella
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A view from the other gender. In a relationship both partys should be allowed to be who they are, not who someone else wants them to be. I agree 100% with whenurstrange and grapsfan. A couple should each have their own interests and interests together. There has to be balance, otherwise one will smother the other. Kat
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The other gender I'd like to hear from is Ginzorella's girlfriend. Would she be willing to come on here & present her side? I'd find that interesting. Failing that, I'd just say I don't envy you the position you're in. The woman you love or the game you love.....but I agree with Kls, some major control issues going on here which aren't going away even if you give up poker.
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I just want to say that Ginz is a lucky man. You have gotten some of the greatest advice (IMO) that you will ever get for this specific situation, and future endeavors. You know what to do bro, and I will be glad to read that post when it comes.
Big ups to P5ers on this occasion
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ok..one thing I have not seen mentioned yet was counceling...if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with I would recomend that BOTH of you go see a councelor ASAFP because you are going to have other issues as well.
My wife doesn't like my poker playing some of the time and that is when I have been playing too much...what do I do? spend time with her and say F POKER...but you have already done this...said you will cut back but she isn't backing down and this doesn't make for a good relationship...if she doesn't want to go see a councelor then you should consider that as a "very bad thing" and though I hate to say it...run like you haven't run before (personal experience with my ex-wife and life issues in general)
DP
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Sounds like you need ownage of your balls...
Put me down as a supporter of what OMG WTF LOL said...
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You are a $200k/year analyst but you live in a small apartment and you have to ask others to analyze your genital connections? Something smells fishy--no, not that, something in your writing. Are you "putting on" the poker players?
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dpj222
(United States)
26
Posts.
Joined
07-26-2005.
01-04-2006 11:42 AM
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In reply to
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Hey gonzorella,
You may not be looking for my opinion being that I am only 22. However, I like to think that I am fairly insightful for my age and thus will try to add something worth while to this conversation. If you in fact do really "love" to play poker, then I would explain to her a few things. First of all, poker is a part of you, if you let it go, the person you are will change. It is like me and golf. I could never stop playing golf as it is a part of me and I just wouldnt be the same if I couldnt get out there occasionaly to play, and my girlfriend understands that.
That being said, another thing you may want to try is to introduce her to the game of poker. Now I know that she may just reject it because of her past family history, however, sometimes individuals will become intrigued and maybe learn to respect it more and more with increased exposure to it, even though she may decide that for her, poker is not the right thing at least she will respect your decision to play as a recreational hobby.
Thirdly, another thing that may help and that a lot of people have stated in previous posts throught the year is that you may just have to bribe her by buying her things whenever you have a big cash or something like that. That at least alleviates some of the tension present.
Ultimately you have to ask yourself whether you are willing to sway on this topic, because if you are, then other topics will arise that she will expect you to sway on as well. You need to find the topic that you are not willing to sway on and establish your boundries with her. A relationship really is a balancing act and takes tremendous compromise from both sides, not just compliance from one.
Hopefully this helps you in your journey with her and I wish you luck in your relationship and at the tables,
dpj222
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i only have two words dump her!
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Yep looks like your in for a tough life,if she dosen,t at least comprimise,poker,espesiaaly when your paying all the bills,good job winning player,its not like your in credit card debt,or any thing like that.Looks like she,s testing you to see how donamate,she will be able to be when your married latter on,My wife all 26 years could not stand football on tv,Im mean she would go apeshit crazy if I watced it so we comprimesed for cowboys only,she din,t like that ,but new she hand to bend somewhere.Good luck your going to need it. mark
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I know you're looking for older responses, but oh well. If you're
giving this girl a freeroll and not playing to the point where you're
neglecting her, she has no right to make you her bitch. Confront her
about it, let her know that you love her and everything but you don't
think it's right of her to try to stop you from doing something you
enjoy. Explain (although I'm sure you've already tried) that you don't
play for a "rush" or just to gamble, you play because you feel like you
have an edge, which your success should support. The goal is to find
someone that makes you happy and wants you to be happy. I certainly
wouldn't let her take away something you care about without a good
reason (you neglecting her to play poker constantly, etc.), or she'll
do the same with other things.
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I don't want to sound too much like Dr. Phil, but first and foremost a healthy relationship should be built on compromise. If you're really serious about her and she's really serious about you, there should be a middle ground where both of you can come to an agreement. I have seen plenty of relationships gone to crap where either one or both people in a relationship weren't willing to budge in their own belief, habit, etc.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now, and although she's against gambling, she knows I am a winning player and that I have good money management skills. Although she isn't as stubborn as your girlfriend we came to an agreement to "prevent" me into becoming a "degenerate gambler". I basically came up with a set amount of money where in my case being a college student was 500 dollars at the time. I told her if I lost all of that I would quit poker altogether, and I have'nt stopped playing poker since. For your case why don't you SET A LIMIT, since you make way more than me, say for example 20,000. If you have full confidence in your game and have good money management skills I really don't see it should be a problem for you.
If she's not willing to budge on you having a SET LIMIT to use primarily for poker, then you should ask yourself if you really really see yourself marrying her in the future. Like I stated before, there should be compromise in a relationship without it, it'll just lead to an unhealthy relationship in the future. Who knows what other things she may not be willing have a compromise in. Also, I really don't see her being in a position to propose an ultimatum. She's not the one earning the income and paying HER bills. If the roles were reversed then I can see her point but obviously this isn't the case.
Dave
---On a side note, does your company have any entry-level positions for a Graduate student with a Masters in Financial Economics? Is there a website I can take a look at? Thanks.
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ipow78
(United States)
216
Posts.
Joined
12-09-2005.
01-04-2006 2:11 PM
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In reply to
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i talked my g/f into playing a home game one night and shes been hooked ever since. she plays as much as i do online, so i cant complain about that at all. In a way i agree w/ ira i dont see much good coming out of this, she hates something you love to do. You were doing it before you met her i assume, so why stop now.
Stand your ground
gl
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RHCNNN
(United States)
486
Posts.
Joined
04-22-2005.
01-04-2006 2:34 PM
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In reply to
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C-cup or bigger and I'd say quit playing poker, and poke her.
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I'm in college and know you wanted input from older folks but i thought i'd offer anyway. I had a girlfriend who i was serious with and had a year and a half relationship. She was against poker and didn't want me to play. Fianlly we agreed for me to play a lot less, which at the time she was much more important to me then poker so i did without any regrets.
Basically try to form the same type of agreement with her would be my advise. If it was your "job" it would be one thing but its a "hobby" at this point for you. No doubt very a profitable hobby but you gotta make a decision. If you think she's worth it give up the game or work out an agreement with her where you still get to play alittle bit.
Side note: We broke up a few months ago and i'm back to playing a lot, but I wouldn't change what i did.
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I agree with most of what some people have said in this thread. I think a healthy relationship does involve compromise, but it also involves respect. I think its important for her to respect your hobby and the things that you enjoy doing just as you should respect hers. IF the issue is not her feeling neglected, than what is the issue? I know that you stated she is against poker, but I am curious as to her reasoning behind it. If someone loves you they dont smother you, they want you to grow as a person and want you to enjoy life. If poker gives you enjoyment I dont see what the big deal is as long as she isnt being neglected in that process.
sweeet_pea
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