El Burro - Dave Mulecock

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I <3 Contravans and hugs. I was going to put a long description of Contravans here like I had on the old site. Then I realized that I didn't feel like doing it right then. So what I did instead was type these sentences. Then I started to notice that I needed to poop. So, anyhoo, Contravans are white. They have as few windows as possible. They are good for transporting all kinds of things like grapefruits, illegal immigrants, vacuum cleaners, ninja throwing stars, telephone books, kidnapping victims, plumbing supplies, black tar heroin, ShortyJacksn's collection of colorful belts, fully automatic assault rifles, etc. I later changed my mind about the long description: The word "Contravan" is derived from the Latin word 'Contra', which means "popular Nintendo game from the 80s", combined with the modern English word 'van', which means "four-wheeled, enclosed vehicle utilized for the transportation of occupants of various species, as well as small, medium or large quantities of goods including (but not limited to): tomatoes, toilet paper, narcotics, weaponry and roller skates". In order to be classified as a "Contravan", a van must be white in color and have as few windows as possible. Bonus points are awarded for a caged cargo area, non-sliding side door, AM radio, manual transmission or any feature that aids in making the van as inconspicuous and non-luxurious as possible. Contravans are typically used by plumbers, or people with the need to transport contraband without being identified by authorities. The primary identifying characteristic of a Contravan is that it "just looks like it's used for doing something illegal...or going to unclog somebody's bathtub drain".