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Public Enemies extracts the John Dillinger story from Bryan Burroughs' epic non-fiction book of the same name, starting with the legendary bank robber being sprung from jail in 1933 in an action sequence that gets things started in a verrrry similar way to Heat's opening security van raid. 

What follows is a straightforward chronicle of the Dillinger gang's robberies, arrests, escapes and cat-and-mouse games with the newborn FBI (Christian Bale in a - whodaguessed it? - intense performance as agent Melvin Purvis, Billy Crudup creepy as agency mastermind J Edgar Hoover).

There's also a bit of romance thrown in, just in case any women have accidentally strayed into the auditorium (French actress Marion Cotillard makes a pretty good fist of the Midwestern accent as Dillinger paramour Billie Frechette, who is wooed by the old tommy-gun wielder, then plunged head first into his violent world).

But mainly it's rob/flee/get arrested/bust out/rinse/repeat. It's a simple canvas that allows Mann to let off maximum steam; you can tell that if someone gave him the chance to travel back and be one of these badasses, he'd slamdunk his family, BAFTA gong and pension arrangements in a bin if he thought it would get him to the time machine any quicker.

Production values are quite lavish and bring to mind The Untouchables, but weirdly the movie's shot on digital, which totally squanders the cosumes, in particular. Film adds depth to costume and sets, here the digital makes everything look like Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's a horrible mistake, and I hope Mann did it out of last-ditch financial necessity rather than some misguided idea that it would be, like, groundbreaking (the version I saw was admittedly "unfinished" but I can't see it changing much).

Johnny Depp oozes A-list, even if his role is under-written and one dimensional. Mann is obviously quite pleased to have Depp along for the ride and gives him a guzillion close-ups. Bale is all husky intensity, as in Terminator Salvation, and a lot more fun is to be had with up-and-coming Brit star Stephen Graham as the psychotic Baby Face Nelson.

The best bits of the film are Depp's second escape from jail - featuring an excruciating wait at some traffic lights while soldiers mill about in the street - and the climax, a drawn-out affair as the Feds anticipate Depp's emergence from a Clark Gable film to take him down (I think you mean "arrest him" - ed).

There aren't really any surprises in Public Enemies, and as such only scores a Raildog 6.8 out of 10. But in terms of male escapism, you get to be John Dillinger for two hours 140 minutes (and that brief period of history, 1933-36, in which Dillinger, Bonnie and Clyde, Baby Face Nelson, the Barker-Karpis Gang and Machine Gun Kelly, flourished was a truly amazing time, deserving of at least one big Hollywood picture like this) and on that scale it's a healthy 9. 

Oh, and for the record, here's your cutout guide to the similarities between Heat and Public Enemies:

1) Public Enemies' jailbreak v similar to van raid in Heat. Both feature a nasty death and a smattering of four-wheel mayhem.

2) Cop hunts bank robber. Both have their own cool gang. Crooks' high-rolling lifestyle revealed in club/restaurant scene near beginning, as is lead crook's single status.

3) Loud gunfight in street following bank robbery. Echoey gunfight effects that only ever appear in, er, Heat and Public Enemies.

4) Bit where one crook or cop dies during post-robbery shootout and someone comes and inspects their bloody body amid the mayhem.

5) Scene where crook drives in darkened street up to lady partner's house, with cops lying in wait. Cops fail to "take him down" (ie arrest him).

6) Touchy feely, sensuous "the passing of life" music by Eliot Goldenthal.

7) Bit near end where main crook and his woman sit in long grass and mutter about the future.

8) Long, tense build-up to a big action scene, with lots of walking involved (the cops following Dillinger from the cinema vs the cops approaching the bank in Heat).

Thankfully there's no "coffee shop scene" in Public Enemies but you know that if MM thought he could have got away with it...

The players

Name: James Bond

The lowdown: The world’s most famous movie spy travels to Nassau in the Bahamas on the trail of "banker-to-the-international-terror-community" Le Chiffre (or that’s how he puts it on his letterhead). There, Bond wins a shedload of cash off Le Chiffre associate Alex Dimitrios in a sick ring game at the Ocean Club. Later in the film, Bond plays a very long rebuy tournament at Montenegro’s Casino Royale, involving Le Chiffre himself. In the various tournament breaks, Bond kills an African guerrilla leader in a bloody stairwell fight, has a shower with his clothes on and is poisoned and has to make himself throw up before restarting his heart with a defibrillator while taking instructions over the phone. As if poker wasn't stressful enough...

A poisoned Bond: "You will find us allll doing the Lambeth walk... Oi!"

Skills: Obviously an advanced player and a risk taker. “I hear you’re the best player in the service,” says M. We’re not so sure. He just seems to be a luckbox. Maybe she meant the postal service, Bond’s Saturday job. Further proof of Bond possibly not being that good is the fact he keeps trying to bet drinks mats instead of chips:

And at one point, Bond claims to have deliberately lost a hand to discover Le Chiffre’s tell. Yeah, like, whatever.

Hair: Bond-like.

Tells: None that we know of. Seems about as bothered playing a $10m tourney with an optional $5m rebuy as he would be about killing time on a 0.01/0.02c Paradise Poker play money table. He even canes the old vodka martinis; even Scotty Nguyen would blanche at how much he puts them away. Still, it’s the British and American taxpayers’ money, so what does he care?

Prone to tilt? Big time. Grabs a steak knife and goes to kill Le Chiffre mid-tourney. Luckily, Felix Leiter stops him.

Name: Mr Fukutu

Lowdown: Black-clad Chinese man at the big tourney. Interestingly, two comments on the actor’s imdb.com entry say that he’s a 'super nice guy' who worked in IT in London for many years! And made a naturist film! How he suddenly broke into a Bond film remains a mystery but he looks pretty cool.

Skills: Ponytail. Being Chinese.

Hair: Luxuriant and white, it’s worth renting the film just to be in its presence for a while.

Tells/prone to tilt: None that we know of.

Name: Infante

The lowdown: Huge bloke at the Casino Royale game. Decked out in unfortunate jacket that looks like the bed cover from a Premier Lodge on the M1.

Skills: Heaviness. Communicating with his fingers.

Hair: Receded so far that all that’s left at the front is a tiny little dumpling on top. Aw, sweet.

Tells/prone to tilt: A cool customer. Accepts his fate with good grace.

Name: Le Chiffre.

The lowdown: The main villain risks it all in a very high-stakes poker game to win back the clients’ money he’s lost. Also appears to be an associate of two-time WSOP main event winner Johnny Chan, as revealed to the eagle eyed on the film's 30-minute mark:

Skills: Mathematics, games of logic, chip tricks, banking, sarcasm, asthma. Also not averse to a slow roll, as seen in the hand where he has fish hooks. You could repeal the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act in the time he takes to show them:

Tells: He covers his eye to conceal a twitch when he’s bluffing. Bond discovers this, so Le Chiffre uses it as a reverse tell to royally stuff JB later on. ‘You must have thought I was bluffing, Mr Bond,’ he says. Bond misses an opportunity to do that ‘Your mother washes windows in McDonald’s’ thing.

Hair: Nasty, oily, threatening fringe.

Prone to tilt? Only once, when everyone at the table orders cocktails. “Can we play poker now?” he steams, before a hand has even been dealt. Easy tiger, these people have stumped up $10m to be here. Don’t razz their buzz.

Name: Felix Leiter

The lowdown: He’s the ‘brother from Langley’, a CIA man who’s come to play against Le Chiffre on behalf of the agency. He and Bond agree to go halves on Bond’s last buy-in.

Skills: Great flair at throwing out his chips. Comforting voice.

Hair: Receding but neatly cut, nice condition.

Tells: Mumbles to self when he's behind in the hand. "Someone knows something I don't."

Prone to tilt? Doesn’t seem so, although he does seem anxious that the waiter gets his cocktail right: “My friend, hold the fruit,” he requests.

Name: Alex Dimitrios

The lowdown: Perma-angry, curly-haired associate of Le Chiffre. Loses a bundle of money to Bond in first hand of cash game at the Ocean Club. Unsurprisingly, he’s no better at holding on to his sexy wifie than he is to his chips – he loses a massive hand to Bond, who then goes and shags her, which is a bit like burgling a man’s house then pissing through the letterbox. Obviously a wild player and a showoff, Dimitrios tries to drive a bulldozer through the concept of table stakes by getting out his cheque book, and then, when it’s refused, chucking his Aston Martin’s keys into the pot like some 1970s suburban swinger.

Embarrassingly, he appears to have just glued a Monopoly car to a key ring.

Meets his end when he loses a knife fight with Bond inside the Body Worlds Exhibition in Miami. He didn’t stand a chance – Bond was in a rage, though mainly because he paid $30 to get in.

Skills: None that we know of. You can’t hold it against him that his set of kings loses to Bond’s higher set. He has managed to bag a gorgeous wife, Solange, however. ‘If that was for dinner, you’re two hours late,’ he snarls when she comes to kiss him. Yeah, she was out on her horsey, ogling J-Bo in his Speedos and trying to get away from you and all your anger and hair.

Hair: Curly.

Tells: Very hard to read as he looks angry when he (thinks he has) the best hand, and when he doesn’t. Probably not an experienced player, however, as he says: ‘I’m in’ at the start of a hand, even though he’s not been sitting out. Er yeah, okay.

Prone to tilt? ‘He isn’t the type to take bad news well,’ reveals the Ocean Club receptionist, which gives Bond some useful heads up. He also gets a bit arsey when the dealer asks for his blind and tells him it’s his turn.

Name: Valenka

The lowdown: Le Chiffre’s girlfriend/wife.

Skills: Poisoning – she’s the one who nearly kills Bond with a dosed cocktail. Standing on balconies. Changing outfits.

Why is she in this section then, does she play any poker? No. But have you looked at the pictures?!

BONUS MATERIAL: RAILDOG EXCLUSIVELY REVEALS EARLY DRAFT OF THE BIG POKER SCENE.

INT. CASINO ROYALE CARD ROOM. NIGHT.

SIX PLAYERS ARE SEATED FOR A $10m REBUY TOURNMENT. BOND ARRIVES A BIT LATE AND SITS DOWN.

BOND: All right, everyone? I’m 007.

LE CHIFFRE (sneering): So you have a licence to kill? Big deal.

BOND: No, that’s my VPIP. I’m as tight as a Littlewoods Poker freeroller in the WSOP main event.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

LE CHIFFRE: How dare you. I qualified for this game on Littlewoods Poker.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

I did! Stop laughing! I order it! It was a one-dollar satellite, I had to beat nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine players! Do you know how many goddamn coin flops that is?!? I am Le Chiffre, stop laughing or I will happy slap every one of you, except the black guy, obviously, he’s huge.

(EVERYONE STOPS LAUGHING)

BOND: Do you mind me asking what your name means?

LE CHIFFRE: In French, chiffre means ‘figure’ or ‘the cipher’.

(BOND TAKES A SIP OF HIS VODKA MARTINI)

BOND: Actually I meant the ‘le’ bit.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR: Ladies and gentlemen, we are ready to begin. Let me start by saying that I can guarantee the integrity of this game. I was head of security at Absolute Poker.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE. AND BOND SWALLOWS THE OLIVE IN HIS VODKA MARTINI)

Only kidding! Actually it was Ultimate Bet!

(ONE BY ONE THE PLAYERS STEP UP TO A COMPUTER AND MAKE A TRANSFER OF DEPOSITS. THERE’S A LENGTHY DELAY WHILE THE CHINESE BLOKE HAS TO E-MAIL PAYPAL, AUTHORISING THEM TO RAISE HIS DAILY LIMIT FROM $50 TO $4m. THE GAME IS FINALLY ABOUT TO BEGIN WHEN EVERYONE REALISES THEY’VE QUALIFIED FOR A MILLION CASINO ROYALE FREQUENT PLAYER POINTS AND BUGGER OFF TO CLAIM THEIR PORSCHES. ONLY LE CHIFFRE AND BOND ARE LEFT, AND THEY DO A CHOP FOR THE WHOLE LOT).