Howdy howdy howdy sports fans, and welcome to ringside for what poker connoisseurs are already calling "Tournament 158340826". Well, it's my fault that I'm here. I angrily set a deposit limit on Stars the other day and now I don't have enough cash in my account to play the 3% challenge, so a 25c 45-player sit 'n' go it is... How bad/humiliating/funny can it be? I thought I'd note down what happened to find out.
5 mins in. The going has been furious so far, with an elimination in level one when AQ bumped heads with AK and the better pre-flop hand held up. Oh my God now we have a three-way all-in, with er, 97 going at it with AK and a pair of eights. AK wins it. Slow down, boys! Let's all just live to see tomorrow, eh? I'd better make sure I don't go to war without a premium hand because these boys are showing down some quality. Well, apart from the guy with 97.
10 mins. Ooh I try to bluff on a paired board and fail! My 1.5k I down to 945, oopsy. Madman on my right goes all in to try to win the 15-30 blinds and runs into the BB's QQ. Madman has ace rag, whodaguessed it. He lucks an ace. Next hand I get AT suited, four limpers ahead of me, I go all in, get two callers with a pair of threes and J7 and hit an ace on the flop. Up to 2.7k.
KT suited next hand, 3 x BB raise from me, and four callers again! All-in is the only language these people understand. A flopped king-high flush then takes me soaring to 2.6k like a Bryan Adams movie-themed power ballad. Hang on, that's less than I had two hands ago, is this a turbo? I river a straight the next hand and now I really am the daddy of the 25c tourneys. I'm so the daddy that if I were in prison I'd be eating home-made spaghetti in my cell every night and drinking Scotch. That kind of daddy. In truth it's very sad that I can only accumulate a stack in a 25c game thanks to some big hands. Oh baby, I'm dreaming of a final table and that big, fat $3.49 first prize.
50mins. On level four (50/100) I've just bluffed on the river with 8 high when my straight draw failed, got a call and then... he mucks. Turned out my middle pair (I hadn't even noticed I’d hit it) beat his botom pair. I own this table. When the deck hits me in the face, I'm the king of the 25c scene. I'm ready for that garlic that melts in the pan if you chop it right, capiche?
Blinds 100-200. Playing it easy, just folding, keeping my head. One hour in. Break time! Down to the last 14. All very sweaty, Twelve Angry Men-ish as we try to shed the last five to make the final table. First hand after the break I win the blinds from mid by raising 2.5x with 89 suited. Everyone folds like they're at Paperboy Academy. I so want a cash! Have only had one in the new Year Zero regime. Come on the raildog!
Aces in the BB! Get it to heads up, all in, call, he has aces, too! FFS!
Lose a heap trying to steal with A8 against TT next hand. It's all going pearshaped. Down to 2.8k. AJ. 3 x BB raise. KJ flop. Hmmm, small bet of 400 from villain, I reraise to 1.2k, he folds, hurrah.
200-400. Men are losing their minds. Suckouts everywhere. You might as well get a piece of your own. I'm folding far too much, given the blinds. Time to get bold. I then do that naughty thing where you bet someone out of the pot when a third player is all in and you should be checking it down. I get a bit over-excited with top pair and go all in. Luckily I do eliminate the all-in player once the other guy has folded. I double up with top pair when I check jack turn, villain makes tiny bet I don't believe and I go all in and he calls with some crazy gutshot. Up to 10k, which makes me 3/6, but then I hit top pair with my Q6 and go all in, getting called by AQ. Oh well, fifth place, $1.01! I'm back!