The Victoria is one of those pubs that has surprise on its side, ie it's on a first floor, which means you can't peek through from street level and suss it out. Ergo a tactical disadvantage. But "disadvantage" is grist to the mill for your canine friend in his exploration of the nation's scary pubs. And so it was that one slow afternoon, the doggie one wound his way up the considerable staircase to gauge if The Victoria was the kind of pub that would have made its namesake proud...
ARE YOU TOOLED UP? THEN READ ON!!!
I had no intelligence on The Victoria, although my housemate had informed me that she had been there once and it was full of bikers and seemed a bit rough. Perfect.
Hmmm, it's empty. This is positively the last time I go to see a scary pub in the day. My theory that this would be the best time to encounter nutters – which was based on a hunch that they might prefer to exercise their madness in less crowded environments – has proved false. It's weekend nights in future.
Distinguishing features: Scores points for being on a first floor, which is unusual. Tries to mitigate its positional disadvantage with an extensive collection of blackboards boasting Sunday roasts, theme nights, real ales, karaoke and a rooftop terrace. The legend on the main sign reads: "A warm welcome". It's very spacious in the pub itself, with a goodish pool table, thick red carpet and a nice collage showing pics of regulars.
Also darts board. "Stuart you tit" was chalked on the scoreboard on the day I went.
Don't believe me? There it is.
Characters: A couple of female bar staff plus vocal Irishman who offers unsolicited advice on how to play pool.
Room for fighting: Absolutely tons, though absence of bikers on day of my visit meant I was unable to put this to the test.
Don't queue at the hatch, the service is really slow.
Toilets: Quite interesting. The escape hatch is quite amusing and a bit worrying, and the cubicles are spacious. Graffiti non-existent. The best feature is some news cuttings about the athlete Roger Black, though it's unclear what they're doing here. Various other faded shots of sporting events are mounted throughout the pub.
What else: The inevitable TV set captivates your attention, as ever, and was a bit booming.
What would be the most likely cause of a fight? Any slur against Roger Black.
If Ross Kemp were narrating a series called Britain's Scariest Pubs for ITV3, what line would he come out with at some point? "It may be karaoke in the bar, but it's carnage on the roof terrace."
Scariness factor, based on one visit: 11/20. You're safe.