raildog.net

Public Enemies (Depp/Mann/gangsters): early review

raildog — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:15:00 GMT

Being a macho man is fun. Just ask Michael Mann. This is the guy who made Miami Vice (as TV series and movie), Thief, Last of the Mohicans, Heat, Ali, Collateral and now Public Enemies, which is a remake of Heat in everything but name. For Mike, life's about men doing man stuff (ie hunting down crims and having amazing shootouts in urban settings) and grimly waiting for the inevitable consequences (a, like, rilly cool death).

Hey, the guy's entitled to his worldview, and to be fair it's exactly the same worldview as Sam Peckinpah, who's thought of as a great director (well, a great dead director, but being dead is cool, remember). And he's only putting on film what goes through many men's heads anyway. It's just we're a bit embarrassed to admit it.

Public Enemies extracts the John Dillinger story from Bryan Burroughs' epic non-fiction book of the same name, starting with the legendary bank robber being sprung from jail in 1933 in an action sequence that gets things started in a verrrry similar way to Heat's opening security van raid.

What follows is a straightforward chronicle of the Dillinger gang's robberies, arrests, escapes and cat-and-mouse games with the newborn FBI (Christian Bale in a - whodaguessed it? - intense performance as agent Melvin Purvis, Billy Crudup creepy as agency mastermind J Edgar Hoover).

There's also a bit of romance thrown in, just in case any women have accidentally strayed into the auditorium (French actress Marion Cotillard makes a pretty good fist of the Midwestern accent as Dillinger paramour Billie Frechette, who is wooed by the old tommy-gun wielder, then plunged head first into his violent world).

But mainly it's rob/flee/get arrested/bust out/rinse/repeat. It's a simple canvas that allows Mann to let off maximum steam; you can tell that if someone gave him the chance to travel back and be one of these badasses, he'd slamdunk his family, BAFTA gong and pension arrangements in a bin if he thought it would get him to the time machine any quicker.

Production values are quite lavish and bring to mind The Untouchables, but weirdly the movie's shot on digital, which totally squanders the cosumes, in particular. Film adds depth to costume and sets, here the digital makes everything look like Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's a horrible mistake, and I hope Mann did it out of last-ditch financial necessity rather than some misguided idea that it would be, like, groundbreaking (the version I saw was admittedly "unfinished" but I can't see it changing much).

Johnny Depp oozes A-list, even if his role is under-written and one dimensional. Mann is obviously quite pleased to have Depp along for the ride and gives him a guzillion close-ups. Bale is all husky intensity, as in Terminator Salvation, and a lot more fun is to be had with up-and-coming Brit star Stephen Graham as the psychotic Baby Face Nelson.

The best bits of the film are Depp's second escape from jail - featuring an excruciating wait at some traffic lights while soldiers mill about in the street - and the climax, a drawn-out affair as the Feds anticipate Depp's emergence from a Clark Gable film to take him down (I think you mean "arrest him" - ed).

There aren't really any surprises in Public Enemies, and as such only scores a Raildog 6.8 out of 10. But in terms of male escapism, you get to be John Dillinger for two hours 140 minutes (and that brief period of history, 1933-36, in which Dillinger, Bonnie and Clyde, Baby Face Nelson, the Barker-Karpis Gang and Machine Gun Kelly, flourished was a truly amazing time, deserving of at least one big Hollywood picture like this) and on that scale it's a healthy 9.

Oh, and for the record, here's your cutout guide to the similarities between Heat and Public Enemies:

1) Public Enemies' jailbreak v similar to van raid in Heat. Both feature a nasty death and a smattering of four-wheel mayhem.

2) Cop hunts bank robber. Both have their own cool gang. Crooks' high-rolling lifestyle revealed in club/restaurant scene near beginning, as is lead crook's single status.

3) Loud gunfight in street following bank robbery. Echoey gunfight effects that only ever appear in, er, Heat and Public Enemies.

4) Bit where one crook or cop dies during post-robbery shootout and someone comes and inspects their bloody body amid the mayhem.

5) Scene where crook drives in darkened street up to lady partner's house, with cops lying in wait. Cops fail to "take him down" (ie arrest him).

6) Touchy feely, sensuous "the passing of life" music by Eliot Goldenthal.

7) Bit near end where main crook and his woman sit in long grass and mutter about the future.

8) Long, tense build-up to a big action scene, with lots of walking involved (the cops following Dillinger from the cinema vs the cops approaching the bank in Heat).

Thankfully there's no "coffee shop scene" in Public Enemies but you know that if MM thought he could have got away with it...

My $50 to $1k four-day Glastonbury challenge – completed in... 12 hours!

raildog — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:23:00 GMT

Each year I enjoy sitting on my fat arse at home and watching young people sliding around in the Glastonbury mud while I channel hop from stage to stage, knock back beers and enjoy only having to walk twenty steps to a toilet.

This year, finding myself off work on Thursday and Friday, and with the weekend kind of ooooh how shall I put this, free as well, I thought I’d turn my annual Glasto watching into a bit of fun. How about an MTT spin-up while I’m watching?

Okay, that’s enough intro, because let’s face it, everyone – especially on pocketfives – is doing some kind of bloody “zero dollars to ten thousand dollars” challenge right now, so let’s get started. Suffice to say, yesterday (Thurs) afternoon I stashed a notional $50 into my imaginary marijuana-motif wallet and said let’s see if I can turn this up into a grand before the end of play Sunday. I was expecting to lose the lot in the name of entertainment or else turn some kind of pisspoor $40 profit; I wasn’t expecting to have completed the challenge in 12 hours.

This might not display too well, Photoshop kept crashing, but I did it, damnit.

I came 260/3960 in the $5/20k GTD for $18, 101/2250 in the $5 rebuy for $59.81, and then at 4.45am (erk) 5/1818 in the $5/20k GTD 1R1A for $1,222. I was looking forward to stringing out the challenge, too – will I/won’t I make it, that kind of thing… Guess I’ll just start it again. Right, $50 to $1k, starting 5pm Friday. And I must get round to watching some Glastonbury and having a slash in my own toilet.

Top 10 things you hate about playing live in a card room/casino

raildog — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 07:54:00 GMT

10) The delays for tournaments to start. Oh, the delays. And the terrible wait when you bust out early in a home tourney. It’s at times like these that you ponder the big one: WHY?

9) The food. What’s that – you don’t like burger and chips? Then you’re going to die. And the closest you’ll get to fibre in here is the napkin.

Cracking picture, isn't it? Bet the photographer punched the air when he saw how it had come out.

8) Smelly people. There are a lot of them around. Smelly smokers with smoky-smelling clothes, or the vile, shapeless smocks that pass for clothes. Smelly smokers with smoky-smelling clothes who come in from a smelly smoking break and smell of smoke because they couldn’t be arsed to exhale their smelly smoke.

7) It seems more like real money you're winning/losing. That's because it is real money.

6) If you’re not numerically dextrous, not knowing exactly how much your opponents have/you have/is in the pot. “Hmmm, let’s see, so there’s about ten reds and oooh maybe 15 blues. So the reds are a hundred… No, the blues are a hundred, the reds are… Shit, shouldn’t have had that fifth Kronenbourg.”

5) Not knowing anyone. You feel a right Johnny No Mates at the breaks, eking out a pint while you read an interview with Roland De Wolfe in German in some mag called Polski Poker! Still, it’s better than muscling your way into some group conversation only to realise they were discussing the last hand before the break, where you knocked out some bloke with a runner-runner-runner-runner-runner bottom two pair, and for you to now be staring at that bloke and hoping that the “BNP” logo on his T-shirt is an illiterate initialization of “Bracknell Poker"...

4) Those torturous discussions about what constitutes a double chance and can you have a rebuy and an add-on or just one or the other?

3) Going home. The long, tilt-fuelled trek home. Oh mama.

2) Disputes. Whether it’s a raiser mucking his cards at showdown or someone moving their chips out with “forward movement”, they never end. Apparently Tim Berners Lee invented the internet just so that he could play online and never have to see a string bet again.

1) The number of hands dealt per hour. This can be expressed as a simple formula: hands dealt online per hour/hands dealt live = ARRRGGGGHHHHH will some flesh-eating parasite come and eat my face off and save me from this hell!!! ARRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

More rubbish like this at my full site, www.raildog.net

Raildog's poker movie player notes, no.1: Casino Royale (2006)

raildog — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:32:00 GMT

Der-der-der-der-der, der-der-der-der-der, Der-der-der-der-der, der-der-der-der-der, Der-derrrrrr!!!!!

That was, of course, the opening to John Barry’s legendary James Bond theme, performed by the Raildog Youth Orchestra. A stirring way to kick off our Movie Player Notes series. First under the spotlight is the poker action in Casino Royale, in which Daniel Craig made his memorable debut as 007. The movie-makers knew what they were doing here – no seven-card stud, no variations of draw to befuddle the Haribo-crazed multiplex masses. This was 2006 and it was no-limit hold ’em all the way.

So without further ado, let’s get down to the filmic felt to see if we can’t work out how James – and his naughty opponents – like to play those beautiful two cards down, five cards up...

The players

Name: James Bond

The lowdown: The world’s most famous movie spy travels to Nassau in the Bahamas on the trail of "banker-to-the-international-terror-community" Le Chiffre (or that’s how he puts it on his letterhead). There, Bond wins a shedload of cash off Le Chiffre associate Alex Dimitrios in a sick ring game at the Ocean Club. Later in the film, Bond plays a very long rebuy tournament at Montenegro’s Casino Royale, involving Le Chiffre himself. In the various tournament breaks, Bond kills an African guerrilla leader in a bloody stairwell fight, has a shower with his clothes on and is poisoned and has to make himself throw up before restarting his heart with a defibrillator while taking instructions over the phone. As if poker wasn't stressful enough...

A poisoned Bond: "You will find us allll doing the Lambeth walk... Oi!"

Skills: Obviously an advanced player and a risk taker. “I hear you’re the best player in the service,” says M. We’re not so sure. He just seems to be a luckbox. Maybe she meant the postal service, Bond’s Saturday job. Further proof of Bond possibly not being that good is the fact he keeps trying to bet drinks mats instead of chips:

And at one point, Bond claims to have deliberately lost a hand to discover Le Chiffre’s tell. Yeah, like, whatever.

Hair: Bond-like.

Tells: None that we know of. Seems about as bothered playing a $10m tourney with an optional $5m rebuy as he would be about killing time on a 0.01/0.02c Paradise Poker play money table. He even canes the old vodka martinis; even Scotty Nguyen would blanche at how much he puts them away. Still, it’s the British and American taxpayers’ money, so what does he care?

Prone to tilt? Big time. Grabs a steak knife and goes to kill Le Chiffre mid-tourney. Luckily, Felix Leiter stops him.

Name: Mr Fukutu

Lowdown: Black-clad Chinese man at the big tourney. Interestingly, two comments on the actor’s imdb.com entry say that he’s a 'super nice guy' who worked in IT in London for many years! And made a naturist film! How he suddenly broke into a Bond film remains a mystery but he looks pretty cool.

Skills: Ponytail. Being Chinese.

Hair: Luxuriant and white, it’s worth renting the film just to be in its presence for a while.

Tells/prone to tilt: None that we know of.

Name: Infante

The lowdown: Huge bloke at the Casino Royale game. Decked out in unfortunate jacket that looks like the bed cover from a Premier Lodge on the M1.

Skills: Heaviness. Communicating with his fingers.

Hair: Receded so far that all that’s left at the front is a tiny little dumpling on top. Aw, sweet.

Tells/prone to tilt: A cool customer. Accepts his fate with good grace.

Name: Le Chiffre.

The lowdown: The main villain risks it all in a very high-stakes poker game to win back the clients’ money he’s lost. Also appears to be an associate of two-time WSOP main event winner Johnny Chan, as revealed to the eagle eyed on the film's 30-minute mark:

Skills: Mathematics, games of logic, chip tricks, banking, sarcasm, asthma. Also not averse to a slow roll, as seen in the hand where he has fish hooks. You could repeal the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act in the time he takes to show them:

Tells: He covers his eye to conceal a twitch when he’s bluffing. Bond discovers this, so Le Chiffre uses it as a reverse tell to royally stuff JB later on. ‘You must have thought I was bluffing, Mr Bond,’ he says. Bond misses an opportunity to do that ‘Your mother washes windows in McDonald’s’ thing.

Hair: Nasty, oily, threatening fringe.

Prone to tilt? Only once, when everyone at the table orders cocktails. “Can we play poker now?” he steams, before a hand has even been dealt. Easy tiger, these people have stumped up $10m to be here. Don’t razz their buzz.

Name: Felix Leiter

The lowdown: He’s the ‘brother from Langley’, a CIA man who’s come to play against Le Chiffre on behalf of the agency. He and Bond agree to go halves on Bond’s last buy-in.

Skills: Great flair at throwing out his chips. Comforting voice.

Hair: Receding but neatly cut, nice condition.

Tells: Mumbles to self when he's behind in the hand. "Someone knows something I don't."

Prone to tilt? Doesn’t seem so, although he does seem anxious that the waiter gets his cocktail right: “My friend, hold the fruit,” he requests.

Name: Alex Dimitrios

The lowdown: Perma-angry, curly-haired associate of Le Chiffre. Loses a bundle of money to Bond in first hand of cash game at the Ocean Club. Unsurprisingly, he’s no better at holding on to his sexy wifie than he is to his chips – he loses a massive hand to Bond, who then goes and shags her, which is a bit like burgling a man’s house then pissing through the letterbox. Obviously a wild player and a showoff, Dimitrios tries to drive a bulldozer through the concept of table stakes by getting out his cheque book, and then, when it’s refused, chucking his Aston Martin’s keys into the pot like some 1970s suburban swinger.

Embarrassingly, he appears to have just glued a Monopoly car to a key ring.

Meets his end when he loses a knife fight with Bond inside the Body Worlds Exhibition in Miami. He didn’t stand a chance – Bond was in a rage, though mainly because he paid $30 to get in.

Skills: None that we know of. You can’t hold it against him that his set of kings loses to Bond’s higher set. He has managed to bag a gorgeous wife, Solange, however. ‘If that was for dinner, you’re two hours late,’ he snarls when she comes to kiss him. Yeah, she was out on her horsey, ogling J-Bo in his Speedos and trying to get away from you and all your anger and hair.

Hair: Curly.

Tells: Very hard to read as he looks angry when he (thinks he has) the best hand, and when he doesn’t. Probably not an experienced player, however, as he says: ‘I’m in’ at the start of a hand, even though he’s not been sitting out. Er yeah, okay.

Prone to tilt? ‘He isn’t the type to take bad news well,’ reveals the Ocean Club receptionist, which gives Bond some useful heads up. He also gets a bit arsey when the dealer asks for his blind and tells him it’s his turn.

Name: Valenka

The lowdown: Le Chiffre’s girlfriend/wife.

Skills: Poisoning – she’s the one who nearly kills Bond with a dosed cocktail. Standing on balconies. Changing outfits.

Why is she in this section then, does she play any poker? No. But have you looked at the pictures?!

BONUS MATERIAL: RAILDOG EXCLUSIVELY REVEALS EARLY DRAFT OF THE BIG POKER SCENE.

INT. CASINO ROYALE CARD ROOM. NIGHT.

SIX PLAYERS ARE SEATED FOR A $10m REBUY TOURNMENT. BOND ARRIVES A BIT LATE AND SITS DOWN.

BOND: All right, everyone? I’m 007.

LE CHIFFRE (sneering): So you have a licence to kill? Big deal.

BOND: No, that’s my VPIP. I’m as tight as a Littlewoods Poker freeroller in the WSOP main event.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

LE CHIFFRE: How dare you. I qualified for this game on Littlewoods Poker.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

I did! Stop laughing! I order it! It was a one-dollar satellite, I had to beat nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine players! Do you know how many goddamn coin flops that is?!? I am Le Chiffre, stop laughing or I will happy slap every one of you, except the black guy, obviously, he’s huge.

(EVERYONE STOPS LAUGHING)

BOND: Do you mind me asking what your name means?

LE CHIFFRE: In French, chiffre means ‘figure’ or ‘the cipher’.

(BOND TAKES A SIP OF HIS VODKA MARTINI)

BOND: Actually I meant the ‘le’ bit.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE)

TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR: Ladies and gentlemen, we are ready to begin. Let me start by saying that I can guarantee the integrity of this game. I was head of security at Absolute Poker.

(EVERYONE LAUGHS. EXCEPT LE CHIFFRE. AND BOND SWALLOWS THE OLIVE IN HIS VODKA MARTINI)

Only kidding! Actually it was Ultimate Bet!

(ONE BY ONE THE PLAYERS STEP UP TO A COMPUTER AND MAKE A TRANSFER OF DEPOSITS. THERE’S A LENGTHY DELAY WHILE THE CHINESE BLOKE HAS TO E-MAIL PAYPAL, AUTHORISING THEM TO RAISE HIS DAILY LIMIT FROM $50 TO $4m. THE GAME IS FINALLY ABOUT TO BEGIN WHEN EVERYONE REALISES THEY’VE QUALIFIED FOR A MILLION CASINO ROYALE FREQUENT PLAYER POINTS AND BUGGER OFF TO CLAIM THEIR PORSCHES. ONLY LE CHIFFRE AND BOND ARE LEFT, AND THEY DO A CHOP FOR THE WHOLE LOT).

Part two of the $5,966 win: more reckless fun, a new courage with pairs and my first deal

raildog — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:12:00 GMT

The official scoreboard, but don't believe a word of it. hurryuuup got $1,500 more than that.

With blinds at 2500/5000 I thankfully get some decent hands and my stack starts to rocket. Over the next 33 hands I get KJ, KQ, AK and aces (aces won the smallest pot – just the blinds – typical) and my stack increases to 217k, with only a couple of very minor losing hands. The rest of the time I just sit very tight.

Watching my games on Poker Tracker can be a real wake-up call and it’s shocking watching some of the plays I make sometimes. I know you lose some of the context when you’re just skimming your stats but I don’t know why I risked my entire stack with AK in the next massive hand. With blinds 8500/1700-2125, UTG raises to 51k, I shove (it might be that I’d pegged him as one of these players who likes the voguish new “steal from UTG” crap) and I push with big slick. I was probably trigger happy by now as I’d been winning big pots every time I played a hand. But I think the size of the raise convinced me he didn’t have AA or KK so I was flipping or up against a worse ace.

So anyway, everyone else gets out the way, he calls with AQ (mind you, if I think my play was loose, his was off the scale) and the board blanks out nicely. He had me covered and I double up to 667k. It’s 12.50am with school tomorrow but I’m getting a good feeling about this. I continue running good, and win a 725k pot with KJ (What? That crazy ol’ hand never wins nothing) when I raise on a jack-high flop, bet again on the turn and check the river. Villain shows QJ.

A big pot for just top pair; in fact, I think that even since playing this tourney three weeks ago I’ve become more wary of playing big pots with top pair or two pair, having been wiped out by sets so many times. But as he was in late position and had had it folded to him pre-flop, I assumed he was on a steal and probably didn’t have a pair. It was quite a timid table, perhaps they were all hoping for the double up that would take them to the final table, and I pick up lots of pots without showing.

Not sure if I was moved table at this point but either the table gets tougher or more likely I just decide to tighten up as I’m fine for chips. I win a few pots with C-bets and one with a raggy ace on an ace-high flop. Apart from that I’m just sitting there being patient, which is often all you need to do well in the small Stars rebuys.

Not sure how many are left by this stage but blinds are a tasty 40/80k-10k and I have 737k when I get KK and shove when the hijack raises. He folds and I take down 383k. next hand I get TT and shove for $1.1m after UTG+2’s raise to 240k. I think I’d been reading a lot of pro tourney players’ articles and blogs about small edges and had vowed to be a bit bolder with pairs, which might account for me putting my life on the line here. I run into AQ and thankfully neither of his overs hit. I’m up to 2.4m. And I accumulate 1.5m over three consecutive hands when I win pots with tens again and QJ, both without showing, and then pocket sixes which morph nicely into a full house. Poker so easy when the cards come.

And they keep coming – and we must be down to the last two tables by now, definitely the last three – when I get AQ twice and A9. I then go through a dry patch – or at least a cautious one – and wait for good hands again, which I kind of think is an okay strategy in the rebuys because someone usually pays you off when you get something.

The next thing to report is from the final table (always such sweaty work getting there – waiting to lose that tenth guy because you so want to say you made the final table; it was also gone 3am, I had no food in the house and no booze so I couldn’t even reward myself with some alcohol to take the edge off my caffeine mania).

We were down to five when the chip leader said in the chatbox that the blinds are huge, guys. I thought he was trash talking, suggesting me and another guy were folding too much. Then he said something about let’s talk numbers and I realised he was mooting a deal. Oh daddy, my first deal! We agreed to make one.

He called the moderator, who paused the tournament, something I’d not seen before and thought was cool. I don’t know why I’m including the next bit, just because I found it exciting, I guess, and for my own record, so if you’ve made a deal before or just have better things to do with your life, scroll to the end of this exchange. I’ve added some comments in red, like a director’s commentary. As you can see, the support guy took ages to get the figures because of softare problems - just what you want at 3.30am - so we were sitting there for about 15 minutes.

Dealer: Devil'sChips, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
Devil'sChips: numbers
RunIt2wice: can we pleease the numbers
Dealer: Regular time for player Devil'sChips has expired, TIME BANK has been activated
hurryuuup: ok what do i do
RunIt2wice: and pause the game
RunIt2wice: sit out time 1admiraldonk [observer]: they want a chip chop numbers NICE PHRASE, QUITE POETIC
Dealer: The break will start when the current hand finishes
HostEstebanD [Host]: Just a moment please Devil'sChips: i'll show
Dealer: hurryuuup, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
RunIt2wice: i should shove hurryuuup: do i fold or what THE OTHERS WEREN’T PLAYING THEIR HAND, I WASN’T SURE WHAT TO DO AND DIDN’T WANT TO GET STITCHED UP. I FOLDED.
Dealer: Regular time for player hurryuuup has expired, TIME BANK has been activated
RunIt2wice: play ur hand
RunIt2wice: this hand
Dealer: Game #28321800730: Devil'sChips wins pot (1200000)
Administrator: The tournament has been manually paused COOL.
HostEstebanD [Host]: OK. I will do the calculations and be right back with you.
RunIt2wice: %chop numbers please
1admiraldonk [observer]: i told the host mate
RunIt2wice: ty
Spok69Royal: ng guys
hurryuuup: u2
hurryuuup: it's late here, 3.30, work tomorrow lol, gonna bea good day
1admiraldonk [observer]: hopefully i would be here some day too
RunIt2wice: ya Devil'sChips: me too
RunIt2wice: ull wake up with a smile hurryuuup: i'm in walthamstow, not so far from u HE WAS IN FINCHLEY
Spok69Royal: :) RunIt2wice: im hoping for a repeat perfomance in the other 3 dollar rebuy lol
Devil'sChips: not far at all
hurryuuup: when??
Mattman1969 [observer]: lol good luck
RunIt2wice: still 1200 out
RunIt2wice: it was at 5pm pacific time
catescoop [observer]: HOLA
1admiraldonk [observer]: 8 pm eastern time other 3 + re-buys start
hurryuuup: cool. I came 18th in this one on friday night, good weekend YES, IT’S COCKS OUT TIME
RunIt2wice: ya i took 8th in it yesterday OH, HIS IS BIGGER
RunIt2wice: brutal beats at the end hurryuuup: it is soft if u can stay awake...
1admiraldonk [observer]: i only did minimum cash inthis tourny but was only in for $6 RunIt2wice: similar to the one u just laid ;)
HostEstebanD [Host]: I pologize for the delay. I will be right with you
RunIt2wice: np Spok69Royal: take your time, i opened wine..
hurryuuup: wish i had some, damn
catescoop [observer]: YYYYYYY WHY DO PEOPLE WRITE STUFF LIKE THIS EXACTLY? WHAT DOES IT MEAN AND DOESN’T HE HAVE ANY BIGGER TOURNEYS TO WATCH OR A DURRR GAME? MAYBE SOME PEOPLE JUST LOVE WATCHING FINAL TABLES
1admiraldonk [observer]: when i hit a finaltable like thise i opend annoter bottle of chivas regal 18 years :-)) BASTARD! I WAS DYING FOR A DRINK. BOURBON WOULD HAVE BEEN SWEET
HostEstebanD [Host]: Sorry. A bit of software problems. Numbers are comming up.
Devil'sChips: I've got me a jack daniels
hurryuuup: stop it, all i've got is fcking peppermint tea 1
admiraldonk [observer]: lol
Mattman1969 [observer]: lol
1admiraldonk [observer]: you can take a walk down to the pub after work 2 morrow :-)) hurryuuup: how do u open chat as a separate window? I KEEP ASKING THIS BUT NO-ONE KNEW OR THE ANSWER WAS THAT YOU CAN’T. IT’S MAYBE THE ONLY THING I PREFER ABOUT FULL TILT.
crackingout [observer]: or have a bottle delivered
Spok69Royal: 6127.2875$ HostEstebanD [Host]: Sorry guys. The system is really slow. IT WAS A SUNDAY SO THEY HAD THE MAJORS GOING ON, MAYBE THAT WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
1admiraldonk [observer]: you have 4 obptions chat notes stats and info
hurryuuup: can i open it up like on FT though?
1admiraldonk [observer]: i'm not sure what you mean sir
hurryuuup: doesnt matter, thx anyway
1admiraldonk [observer]: yw catescoop [observer]: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HE DID IT AGAIN. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
1admiraldonk [observer]: totally $ 24508 to chop
catescoop [observer]: WAI THE GAME!!!!
Spok69Royal: so , we are here for 9h hours ...;P
1admiraldonk [observer]: hope i will be here to soon
Spok69Royal: I m hungry!! RunIt2wice: worth it tho
RunIt2wice: i have been home RunIt2wice: then sbucks
RunIt2wice: wireless card is key
hurryuuup: all i've had is a walk round a cold dark garden
1admiraldonk [observer]: yup minum pay out for 4th should be minimum 4k
TMgrind [observer]: how many times did u guys suck out this tourney to get to this point?
RunIt2wice: easily
RunIt2wice: i dont know if i did
RunIt2wice: i dont think i was ever all in after rebuy
Spok69Royal: I'll ddo
TMgrind [observer]: i got busted out of this tourney with aces
TMgrind [observer]: like usual
hurryuuup: this is my least sucky outy but thats not saying much
Devil'sChips: it needs to be more than 4000 or i'm mcarrying on
RunIt2wice: nver happend to me
HostEstebanD [Host]: The numbers by chip count chop would be RunIt2wice $7,243.64 , Spok69Royal $5,981.86 , hurryuuup $5,966.33 , Devil'sChips $5,317.32. If you all wish to proceed, please type "I agree"
RunIt2wice: its way more
RunIt2wice: ;(
RunIt2wice: ill agree
HostEstebanD [Host]: What do you mean?
RunIt2wice: thats fine RunIt2wice: ill be nice
Spok69Royal: i agree
hurryuuup: I agree
RunIt2wice: dev?
RunIt2wice: well over ur reques
RunIt2wice: t Devil'sChips: ok i agree
RunIt2wice: dev
RunIt2wice: ty
HostEstebanD [Host]: Great, we have a deal. Please finish the tournament and once done, I will update the accounts accordingly.
RunIt2wice: gg guys
RunIt2wice: playin for pts now hurryuuup: gl and gg
HostEstebanD [Host]: I apologize for the delay guys. have a good one
Spok69Royal: ty
1admiraldonk [observer]: gl guys
Mattman1969 [observer]: grats u guys

So that was that. Now we’re down to five, chip leader has 20m, the rest of us have effectively identical stacks – me with 7m, the other two with 5m. I must have been hellbent on knocking someone out because I raise with QT in the SB, BB shoves on me and I call. God knows why, he has A8, hits an 8 and I lose 5m chips. O-U-C-H.

Luckily this story has a happy ending because the very next hand, readers, I win back just over half of that with a pair of lowly fives. AJ and KQ follow shortly after and now the stacks among the remaining four are much more even: 15m, 10m, 10m and 7m, with me on one of the 10s. Having said in the chat that I haven’t sucked out much, I now call an all-in from the short stack. I’m in the BB with 6.1m, he’s in the SB with 3m and I figure I’m way ahead of his range with my AJd, given that he’s probably on a steal. Unfortunately he does have a hand, AK, but somehow I suck out with a flush on the turn and we’re down to four, and then when someone’s QJ sucks out with trip jacks after calling the short stack’s QQ all-in, it’s time for a red-hot threesome.

Of course it’s purely for the bragging rights now as the money is locked up. After coming down in the world, the big stack is now big again with 23m vs the other guy’s 12m and my 8m. Ironically, just two hands before I bust out I get AA on the button, raise to 3x (too big, I know), SB folds, BB completes. We check a flop which has three hearts – not that I’m scared of them, I’m going all the way with this hand but I don’t want to scare off my opponent either if he doesn’t have a heart – then on the turn I min-raise his 1.5m bet, then go all in on the river, which goes uncalled.

I now have 19m to their 12m and 11m but I’m not really concentrating very much at all now, I kind of lose my stamina at the end of these things, and with the money already agreed I really want bed. Anyway, I lose 3m with king high when villain and I check hand down and his Q8 rivers an eight; should have bet, grrr. We’re both now on 16m, the third guy on 11m. Something very, very strange has happened to my Poker Tracker, which now jumps to a hand when I’ve got just 700k. The hands inbetween are missing, so tragically I can’t tell you how I – oops – lost 15m chips; rest asured it was probably something very donkish like calling off all my stack with a gutshot and two undercards... So that was that, 3/6633 for $5,966. Thanks for reading.

Due to popular demand (well, Gabriel), a sad post for poker nerds on my £3,900 win in the Stars $3 rebuy

raildog — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:05:00 GMT

This post has turned out a bit epic as usual so it’ll be two parts (oh the excitement).

This was my second biggest win and came four and a half months after my biggest win, £4,600 on December 30. The two tourneys had something in common, which was:

a) they both came at a time when I was getting really frustrated with tournament poker, and had finally come to recognise that it wasn’t a way to make regular cash from the beautiful (?) game.

b) they both took place on days when I had paid way over the cover price for a copy of The Big Issue from a clearly magical, talismanic vendor (different vendors though, and no I’m not telling you where they hang out).

The day of the latest tourney fell on one of the couple of Sundays that I work each year. I’d had a really nice half-hour walk around Regent’s Park at lunchtime, part of my new keep fit regime, and then down Parkway in Camden, buying a fab chicken and salad lunch from touchy-feely organic munchers’ hangout zone Fresh and Wild, then the copy of The Big Issue (!!, gave away where it was! Okay it’s outside Fresh and Wild but like the life-restoring pods in the pool in Cocoon, you must keep it under your hat). Then I went back to work for the afternoon and off home at 6, just in time to make the $3 rebuy, which I’ve started playing every night, frankly.

My strategy in this tourney (surely the softest MTT on the internet, or anywhere) varies wildly according the table and my mood. I once made 21 double rebuys, which took me to second in chips at the break but meant I barely recouped several hours later. Anyway, I’m a bit more careful with my poker cash these day and try to limit myself to five double rebuys, max, plus the add-on.

My usual strat is play all suited and non-suited connectors, 65 and better, KQ, AT and better. Not a fan of playing flops either, and like to shove pre every time. When you do get called you’re rarely in terrible shape unless someone has a big pair, but really you want to get called and gamble as you’re not looking to win the blinds, you’re looking to double or treble up.

It’s a brilliant strategy because everyone gets pissed off and starts calling you a lot, which again is what you want. So it’s a gambly style but one that’s meant recently that I’ve always had at least 10k going to the break.

On the night in question, I lost my first 2 x 1,500 when I raise pre-flop with tens, got called, then shove on a low flop. Get called by a pair of sevens, which then hits a set on the turn. Whatevurrrr.

I then drizzle away half my next 3k and then all of it when I call an all-in with A5 (these all-ins are usually people wth low pairs and I was obviously in a gambly mood/on tilt/you guess which).

I reload, immediately gets eights (v lucky hand for me, in the way that sevens are really unlucky) and shove pre-flop. The blinds are only 25-50 but again, I like this tactic of going all in with hands I like as I don’t want to win the blinds of 75, I want to flip. Which is exactly what happened, when I get a call from the button with AQ. Everyone else gets clear, I flop a set and now we’re up and running with over 6k.

Except not really because I then pick up AJ UTG, raise 3x, get reraised all-in by the SB and then by the BB. Wtf?! I call and am up against jacks and queens! In the blinds?! I mean, be reasonable. I fail to hit and lose 3.8k. At least things couldn’t get much worse – until the next hand, that is, when things got much worse.

I pick up QQ in the BB, mid position raises 3x, late position goes all in, I call, as does the initial raiser and I’m up against JJ in mid and AQ in late and of course my friend with the fish hooks firms up his hand further with a jack on the flop. Brilliant. Felted again. If I were a nit I guess I might fold QQ to that much heat but that’s not the way I like to play the $3 rebuys.

So then, 3k in chips again. Very next hand: AK suited in the SB. Something’s got to come off... UTG limps, cutoff limps, I push all-in. It’s just the way I like to play the rebuys, keep pushing and eventually people will start calling you down a bit light, whatever the table dynamic. My friend UTG has me owned with KK and what do you know it, there goes my 3k. What’s a guy got to do to get six thousand chips around here?

Two hands later in the cutoff I get AK again, and remembering how nicely it had lost me all my chips, decide to again play it to the max. Very simple hand – UTG+1 shoves all in preflop with no raises ahead of him and I call, he has A8 and I double up. Finally.

I then haemorrhage 2k of them off again (CUE: CANNED LAUGHTER) and left with 4.3k decide to gamble for a double up and throw in my last 3.6k with A5 and run into AA and another pair. Never flops well, A5.

Clearly on tilt I then shove over the top of the UTG’s 3x raise and he calls. My A3 vs KJ, neither of us improves and with a few minutes left to the end of the rebuy period I’m back to the mythical $6k.

I play tight for first half hour after the break, then add nearly 8k to stack with AJ and KJ on consecutive hands. I’m well into Meet The Parents now; always watch a film to stop me playing too many hands (I didn’t have one on in the rebuy period, which might account for the Wild West-style bloodbaths). I take a few steps back when I decide to call a 4k all-in with AQ and run into a pair of fours, which hold up and take a third off my stack. Bit loose, that.

In this tourney, good and bad hands seemed to come in pairs, and two good ones come along, starting with a pair of threes. I stick out a probe bet when three hearts flop (I don’t have any), villain calls, we check the turn, I suck out with a straight on the river but check it down, scared he might be trapping with the flopped flush as he went so quiet on the flop.

I dodge bullets the next hand when the button shoves on my SB, I call with A4d, he has 97d, neither of us improves. Now I’m up to 15.8k, with blinds 250/500-60, so bobbing along nicely.

Ten minutes later there’s yet another pair of biggies, when I pick u the worst hand in Hold ’Em (AA) in mid position. UTG limps, I limp, one other limps and the SB shoves for 4.4k. Everyone else gets out the way, I call, he has a pair of deuces, miraculously fails to hit a third one and then I’m filing his 4.3k away under ‘M’ for “My chip stack”.

Next hand, KQ UTG, simple 3x raise, everyone folds. Stack: 22.5k.

Things take off in a battle of the blinds when I flop a queen-high flush draw and call silly-sized bets from the SB which suggests he might be on a flush draw, too. The draw hits on the river, and now that there is the A and the K of spades on the board I know my queen is good. Villain checks, obviously scared how good his flush is, and I bet all-in, he calls and my stack jumps from 18k to 38k.

I then go on a rampage, winning two big pots without showing, and one with a final hand of a pair of aces.

My policy of not splashing around like an amateur in tons of pots seems to pay off because I then just keep winning great chunks, with losses small and few and far between. Most of the wins came from not showing down, which is good in that it suggests I’m not just blindly shoving all in and hoping for the best, which used to be how I played too much of the time.

By this time Meet the Parents has run out and I’m on to the director and producer’s commentary, which seems to be just as talismanic as the main feature so I stick with it. I start to look around my room for my copy of 21 (which served me so well in my win at Christmas, not that I’m superstitious) but can’t find it.

I must have been starting to get a bit concerned by this stage at the 2500/5000-400 blinds and a 47k stack because I shove UTG with A7; luckily I don’t get called. On the next hand, UTG+1 raises to 20k, gets two callers and I call in the SB with K8; not a seemingly EV+ move but I was getting 4.7-1 on my money and lo and behold the flop it did come 288 and the Lord said you shall slow play this or I shall inflict a terrible plague upon your chip stack.

SB and I check the flop, pre-flop raise sticks his last 20k into 85k, UTG+2 and I call. I check the turn, hoping he’ll go crazy, he checks too, I bet another $20k into a $147k pot for value, thinking he might stump this up as he’ll still have 2/3 of his stack left if he loses, but he folds, and now I’m up to $166k, which should relieve some of those M worries.

Stand by for part two.

William Hill players may have migrated to iPoker but damnit they've been slow to personalise their avatars...

raildog — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:29:00 GMT

If ever you walk into a live game and the table looks like that, get out.

I can't bring myself to play much on iPoker since Hills got moved there. I don't know why, it's illogical. But Hills did feel a bit more like a club, and one full of Brit blokes with whom you could have some good, edgy banter. Now you're just swimming around (literally) with huge amounts of international players. It could be PP or Poker Stars.

Now, for those of you whose lives have been a tortured maelstrom as you wait for latest news of my 3% challenge, you'll be pleased to know that immediately after the last post (which chronicled my $1 win for fifth place in a 45-player 25c SnG) I slapped down ANOTHER 25c, this time in a 90-player, and came first for a jaw-dropping $6.20.

It was a funny old game, that. When it got to heads up, I discovered very quickly that my opponent liked to fold. Oh boy, did he like to fold. He folded so much when I habitually raised on the button that I started doing it every hand, regardless of position. Was he waiting for a big hand before he got involved? Was he trying to lull me into a false sense of – oh get real, this was a $1 tourney.

Playing a madman

Even so, it didn't make sense. Every now and then he would call, then usually check the flop and fold to a bet. About one hand in 15 he would raise, and then of course I got out the way. But mainly I was raising, and he just kept folding. At one point he wrote "fu". I couldn't believe it. F me?? I tried to get him to explain, I even tried to goad him with: "STOP FOLDING" but it didn't work. I was just draining the blinds from him at quite a rate.

I had a 12-1 chip lead and he was rapidly on his way to being blinded out... And that's what happened. He was just forced in, doubled up, and lost a few hands later. I've never seen anything like it and it still baffles me. It was actually disconcerting, like I was playing a madman.

In an afternoon I'd got my bankroll from 44c to nearly $7. I was pretty pleased, but I unwisely decided I couldn't face any more 25c jobs, I would spend it all, Charlie-Bucket-and-the-bar-of-chocolate style, on two buy-ins to my beloved $3 rebuy at 7.15pm.

I doubled up almost immediately with pocket tens, then took a hit with AQ vs AK, then went all in with queens in early position only to get four bloody callers and... and I was out. All that work. Annoying, but that's what you get for putting all your bankroll on the line, even if it is just £7.

Anyway, my afternoon of very low-stakes fun did give me a chance to simultaneously finish catching up with Channel 4's Premier League Poker, which is sooooo much better than the leaden Poker After Dark. I couldn't resist snapping this incredible call by Annette. Ah, tourneys, I'm going to miss 'em, but I've finally come to realise (I know I say this every week) that the variance will just crush me, financially and mentally. My decision-making at low stakes is pretty good now, so I'd like to see some money for it up front, rather than all these day-long attempts to go deep in MTTs.

Starting balance: $500

Current balance: $350. Absolutely f****** shameful.

Until next time. That call:

Top 10 things you hate about new players and their close relation, people who don't play poker at all...

raildog — Sat, 02 May 2009 06:17:00 GMT

10) Some old git who hasn’t played Hold ’Em before saying: “I think it’s time we played five-card draw – now that’s a real game.”

9) Noobs’ inability to shuffle. They do that thing where they grab a handful of cards and jam it back into the pack. In the same way you’re supposed to be able to hear a tree scream when it’s cut down, you can almost hear the deck squeal.

8) The smug red colour their faces turn when they suck out to make runner-runner royal to give them a big chip lead in their first tourney.

7) Slow rolling. Oh, slow rolling. Also: not flipping their cards at showdown until they’ve worked out what their final hand is.

6) Declaring three cards as a straight or a flush.

5) The hugely disproportionate amount of time they spend trying to remember what constitutes a straight flush and royal flush, even though you tell them they won’t get one.

4) A newbie saying: “We should have whiskey for this!”

3) People who appear to have been dragged along to the game and have a weird terror of losing any money whatsoever. It makes you wonder how they get through life – do they walk everywhere, forage for nuts and berries in the park at lunchtime, strap bottles of home-made lager under their trousers and drink it through a tube when they go to the pub?

"For the love of God, how will I ever be able to tell Margaret I'm nine pounds down!?"

2) A non-player warning you against poker, saying the house always wins and telling you they say that film 21 with that Kevin Spacey.

1) People who don’t play asking: “How can you play poker online, don’t you have to look at people?” ARRRGGGHHHHH. YES, YOU’RE RIGHT, IN LIVE POKER THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO TIME FOR CONSIDERING POSITION, STACK SIZES, POT ODDS, IMPLIED ODDS, REVERSE IMPLIED ODDS, PLAYER TYPE, PLAYER HISTORY, PLAYER STATE OF MIND, TABLE IMAGE, BLIND LEVELS, HAND RANGES OR ESTIMATED VALUE BECAUSE WE ARE TOO BUSY LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. WE’RE ALL SO UTTERLY AMAZING AT READING PEOPLE – AND IT’S SUCH AN IMPORTANT SKILL – THAT MANY PLAYERS TURN UP IN A FULL “MARTY MCFLY” TIME TRAVEL SUIT (CUSTOM MADE FOR THEM BY UNIVERSAL STUDIOS IN SOME CASES) AND COMMUNICATE THEIR INTENTIONS (AND ANY ORDERS TO WAITRESSES) ON A SMALL PIECE OF SLATE, ON WHICH THEY WRITE AS BEST THEY CAN GIVEN THEIR HEAVILY PADDED GLOVES. INDEED, EVERY HAND OF POKER TAKES AN AVERAGE OF 38 MINUTES BECAUSE WE STARE EACH OTHER DOWN UNTIL SOMEONE CALLS THE CLOCK ON US, EVERY SINGLE STREET.

Local Pub That You're Scared To Go To But We're Not: The Victoria, Hoe Street, Walthamstow E17

raildog — Sat, 02 May 2009 06:12:00 GMT

The Victoria is one of those pubs that has surprise on its side, ie it's on a first floor, which means you can't peek through from street level and suss it out. Ergo a tactical disadvantage. But "disadvantage" is grist to the mill for your canine friend in his exploration of the nation's scary pubs. And so it was that one slow afternoon, the doggie one wound his way up the considerable staircase to gauge if The Victoria was the kind of pub that would have made its namesake proud...

ARE YOU TOOLED UP? THEN READ ON!!!

I had no intelligence on The Victoria, although my housemate had informed me that she had been there once and it was full of bikers and seemed a bit rough. Perfect.

Hmmm, it's empty. This is positively the last time I go to see a scary pub in the day. My theory that this would be the best time to encounter nutters – which was based on a hunch that they might prefer to exercise their madness in less crowded environments – has proved false. It's weekend nights in future.

Distinguishing features: Scores points for being on a first floor, which is unusual. Tries to mitigate its positional disadvantage with an extensive collection of blackboards boasting Sunday roasts, theme nights, real ales, karaoke and a rooftop terrace. The legend on the main sign reads: "A warm welcome". It's very spacious in the pub itself, with a goodish pool table, thick red carpet and a nice collage showing pics of regulars.

Also darts board. "Stuart you tit" was chalked on the scoreboard on the day I went.

Don't believe me? There it is.

Characters: A couple of female bar staff plus vocal Irishman who offers unsolicited advice on how to play pool.

Room for fighting: Absolutely tons, though absence of bikers on day of my visit meant I was unable to put this to the test.

Don't queue at the hatch, the service is really slow.

Toilets: Quite interesting. The escape hatch is quite amusing and a bit worrying, and the cubicles are spacious. Graffiti non-existent. The best feature is some news cuttings about the athlete Roger Black, though it's unclear what they're doing here. Various other faded shots of sporting events are mounted throughout the pub.

What else: The inevitable TV set captivates your attention, as ever, and was a bit booming.

What would be the most likely cause of a fight? Any slur against Roger Black.

If Ross Kemp were narrating a series called Britain's Scariest Pubs for ITV3, what line would he come out with at some point? "It may be karaoke in the bar, but it's carnage on the roof terrace."

Scariness factor, based on one visit: 11/20. You're safe.

It's come to this: a 25c SnG on Stars

raildog — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 17:05:00 GMT

Howdy howdy howdy sports fans, and welcome to ringside for what poker connoisseurs are already calling "Tournament 158340826". Well, it's my fault that I'm here. I angrily set a deposit limit on Stars the other day and now I don't have enough cash in my account to play the 3% challenge, so a 25c 45-player sit 'n' go it is... How bad/humiliating/funny can it be? I thought I'd note down what happened to find out.

5 mins in. The going has been furious so far, with an elimination in level one when AQ bumped heads with AK and the better pre-flop hand held up. Oh my God now we have a three-way all-in, with er, 97 going at it with AK and a pair of eights. AK wins it. Slow down, boys! Let's all just live to see tomorrow, eh? I'd better make sure I don't go to war without a premium hand because these boys are showing down some quality. Well, apart from the guy with 97.

10 mins. Ooh I try to bluff on a paired board and fail! My 1.5k I down to 945, oopsy. Madman on my right goes all in to try to win the 15-30 blinds and runs into the BB's QQ. Madman has ace rag, whodaguessed it. He lucks an ace. Next hand I get AT suited, four limpers ahead of me, I go all in, get two callers with a pair of threes and J7 and hit an ace on the flop. Up to 2.7k.

KT suited next hand, 3 x BB raise from me, and four callers again! All-in is the only language these people understand. A flopped king-high flush then takes me soaring to 2.6k like a Bryan Adams movie-themed power ballad. Hang on, that's less than I had two hands ago, is this a turbo? I river a straight the next hand and now I really am the daddy of the 25c tourneys. I'm so the daddy that if I were in prison I'd be eating home-made spaghetti in my cell every night and drinking Scotch. That kind of daddy. In truth it's very sad that I can only accumulate a stack in a 25c game thanks to some big hands. Oh baby, I'm dreaming of a final table and that big, fat $3.49 first prize.

50mins. On level four (50/100) I've just bluffed on the river with 8 high when my straight draw failed, got a call and then... he mucks. Turned out my middle pair (I hadn't even noticed I’d hit it) beat his botom pair. I own this table. When the deck hits me in the face, I'm the king of the 25c scene. I'm ready for that garlic that melts in the pan if you chop it right, capiche?

Blinds 100-200. Playing it easy, just folding, keeping my head. One hour in. Break time! Down to the last 14. All very sweaty, Twelve Angry Men-ish as we try to shed the last five to make the final table. First hand after the break I win the blinds from mid by raising 2.5x with 89 suited. Everyone folds like they're at Paperboy Academy. I so want a cash! Have only had one in the new Year Zero regime. Come on the raildog!

Aces in the BB! Get it to heads up, all in, call, he has aces, too! FFS!

Lose a heap trying to steal with A8 against TT next hand. It's all going pearshaped. Down to 2.8k. AJ. 3 x BB raise. KJ flop. Hmmm, small bet of 400 from villain, I reraise to 1.2k, he folds, hurrah.

200-400. Men are losing their minds. Suckouts everywhere. You might as well get a piece of your own. I'm folding far too much, given the blinds. Time to get bold. I then do that naughty thing where you bet someone out of the pot when a third player is all in and you should be checking it down. I get a bit over-excited with top pair and go all in. Luckily I do eliminate the all-in player once the other guy has folded. I double up with top pair when I check jack turn, villain makes tiny bet I don't believe and I go all in and he calls with some crazy gutshot. Up to 10k, which makes me 3/6, but then I hit top pair with my Q6 and go all in, getting called by AQ. Oh well, fifth place, $1.01! I'm back!