Online Poker Tournament Rankings

Watching my games on Poker Tracker can be a real wake-up call and it’s shocking watching some of the plays I make sometimes. I know you lose some of the context when you’re just skimming your stats but I don’t know why I risked my entire stack with AK in the next massive hand. With blinds 8500/1700-2125, UTG raises to 51k, I shove (it might be that I’d pegged him as one of these players who likes the voguish new “steal from UTG” crap) and I push with big slick. I was probably trigger happy by now as I’d been winning big pots every time I played a hand. But I think the size of the raise convinced me he didn’t have AA or KK so I was flipping or up against a worse ace.

So anyway, everyone else gets out the way, he calls with AQ (mind you, if I think my play was loose, his was off the scale) and the board blanks out nicely. He had me covered and I double up to 667k. It’s 12.50am with school tomorrow but I’m getting a good feeling about this. I continue running good, and win a 725k pot with KJ (What? That crazy ol’ hand never wins nothing) when I raise on a jack-high flop, bet again on the turn and check the river. Villain shows QJ.

A big pot for just top pair; in fact, I think that even since playing this tourney three weeks ago I’ve become more wary of playing big pots with top pair or two pair, having been wiped out by sets so many times. But as he was in late position and had had it folded to him pre-flop, I assumed he was on a steal and probably didn’t have a pair. It was quite a timid table, perhaps they were all hoping for the double up that would take them to the final table, and I pick up lots of pots without showing.

Not sure if I was moved table at this point but either the table gets tougher or more likely I just decide to tighten up as I’m fine for chips. I win a few pots with C-bets and one with a raggy ace on an ace-high flop. Apart from that I’m just sitting there being patient, which is often all you need to do well in the small Stars rebuys.

Not sure how many are left by this stage but blinds are a tasty 40/80k-10k and I have 737k when I get KK and shove when the hijack raises. He folds and I take down 383k. next hand I get TT and shove for $1.1m after UTG+2’s raise to 240k. I think I’d been reading a lot of pro tourney players’ articles and blogs about small edges and had vowed to be a bit bolder with pairs, which might account for me putting my life on the line here. I run into AQ and thankfully neither of his overs hit. I’m up to 2.4m. And I accumulate 1.5m over three consecutive hands when I win pots with tens again and QJ, both without showing, and then pocket sixes which morph nicely into a full house. Poker so easy when the cards come.

And they keep coming – and we must be down to the last two tables by now, definitely the last three – when I get AQ twice and A9. I then go through a dry patch – or at least a cautious one – and wait for good hands again, which I kind of think is an okay strategy in the rebuys because someone usually pays you off when you get something.

The next thing to report is from the final table (always such sweaty work getting there – waiting to lose that tenth guy because you so want to say you made the final table; it was also gone 3am, I had no food in the house and no booze so I couldn’t even reward myself with some alcohol to take the edge off my caffeine mania).

We were down to five when the chip leader said in the chatbox that the blinds are huge, guys. I thought he was trash talking, suggesting me and another guy were folding too much. Then he said something about let’s talk numbers and I realised he was mooting a deal. Oh daddy, my first deal! We agreed to make one.

He called the moderator, who paused the tournament, something I’d not seen before and thought was cool. I don’t know why I’m including the next bit, just because I found it exciting, I guess, and for my own record, so if you’ve made a deal before or just have better things to do with your life, scroll to the end of this exchange. I’ve added some comments in red, like a director’s commentary. As you can see, the support guy took ages to get the figures because of softare problems - just what you want at 3.30am - so we were sitting there for about 15 minutes. 

Dealer: Devil'sChips, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
Devil'sChips: numbers
RunIt2wice: can we pleease the numbers
Dealer: Regular time for player Devil'sChips has expired, TIME BANK has been activated
hurryuuup: ok what do i do
RunIt2wice: and pause the game
RunIt2wice: sit out time 1admiraldonk [observer]: they want a chip chop numbers NICE PHRASE, QUITE POETIC
Dealer: The break will start when the current hand finishes
HostEstebanD [Host]: Just a moment please Devil'sChips: i'll show
Dealer: hurryuuup, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
RunIt2wice: i should shove hurryuuup: do i fold or what THE OTHERS WEREN’T PLAYING THEIR HAND, I WASN’T SURE WHAT TO DO AND DIDN’T WANT TO GET STITCHED UP. I FOLDED.
Dealer: Regular time for player hurryuuup has expired, TIME BANK has been activated
RunIt2wice: play ur hand
RunIt2wice: this hand
Dealer: Game #28321800730: Devil'sChips wins pot (1200000)
Administrator: The tournament has been manually paused COOL.
HostEstebanD [Host]: OK. I will do the calculations and be right back with you.
RunIt2wice: %chop numbers please
1admiraldonk [observer]: i told the host mate
RunIt2wice: ty
Spok69Royal: ng guys
hurryuuup: u2
hurryuuup: it's late here, 3.30, work tomorrow lol, gonna bea good day
1admiraldonk [observer]: hopefully i would be here some day too
RunIt2wice: ya Devil'sChips: me too
RunIt2wice: ull wake up with a smile hurryuuup: i'm in walthamstow, not so far from u HE WAS IN FINCHLEY
Spok69Royal: :) RunIt2wice: im hoping for a repeat perfomance in the other 3 dollar rebuy lol
Devil'sChips: not far at all
hurryuuup: when??
Mattman1969 [observer]: lol good luck
RunIt2wice: still 1200 out
RunIt2wice: it was at 5pm pacific time
catescoop [observer]: HOLA
1admiraldonk [observer]: 8 pm eastern time other 3 + re-buys start
hurryuuup: cool. I came 18th in this one on friday night, good weekend YES, IT’S COCKS OUT TIME
RunIt2wice: ya i took 8th in it yesterday OH, HIS IS BIGGER
RunIt2wice: brutal beats at the end hurryuuup: it is soft if u can stay awake...
1admiraldonk [observer]: i only did minimum cash inthis tourny but was only in for $6 RunIt2wice: similar to the one u just laid ;)
HostEstebanD [Host]: I pologize for the delay. I will be right with you
RunIt2wice: np Spok69Royal: take your time, i opened wine..
hurryuuup: wish i had some, damn
catescoop [observer]: YYYYYYY WHY DO PEOPLE WRITE STUFF LIKE THIS EXACTLY? WHAT DOES IT MEAN AND DOESN’T HE HAVE ANY BIGGER TOURNEYS TO WATCH OR A DURRR GAME? MAYBE SOME PEOPLE JUST LOVE WATCHING FINAL TABLES
1admiraldonk [observer]: when i hit a finaltable like thise i opend annoter bottle of chivas regal 18 years :-)) BASTARD! I WAS DYING FOR A DRINK. BOURBON WOULD HAVE BEEN SWEET
HostEstebanD [Host]: Sorry. A bit of software problems. Numbers are comming up.
Devil'sChips: I've got me a jack daniels
hurryuuup: stop it, all i've got is fcking peppermint tea 1
admiraldonk [observer]: lol
Mattman1969 [observer]: lol
1admiraldonk [observer]: you can take a walk down to the pub after work 2 morrow :-)) hurryuuup: how do u open chat as a separate window? I KEEP ASKING THIS BUT NO-ONE KNEW OR THE ANSWER WAS THAT YOU CAN’T. IT’S MAYBE THE ONLY THING I PREFER ABOUT FULL TILT.
crackingout [observer]: or have a bottle delivered
Spok69Royal: 6127.2875$ HostEstebanD [Host]: Sorry guys. The system is really slow. IT WAS A SUNDAY SO THEY HAD THE MAJORS GOING ON, MAYBE THAT WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
1admiraldonk [observer]: you have 4 obptions chat notes stats and info
hurryuuup: can i open it up like on FT though?
1admiraldonk [observer]: i'm not sure what you mean sir
hurryuuup: doesnt matter, thx anyway
1admiraldonk [observer]: yw catescoop [observer]: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HE DID IT AGAIN. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
1admiraldonk [observer]: totally $ 24508 to chop
catescoop [observer]: WAI THE GAME!!!!
Spok69Royal: so , we are here for 9h hours ...;P
1admiraldonk [observer]: hope i will be here to soon
Spok69Royal: I m hungry!! RunIt2wice: worth it tho
RunIt2wice: i have been home RunIt2wice: then sbucks
RunIt2wice: wireless card is key
hurryuuup: all i've had is a walk round a cold dark garden
1admiraldonk [observer]: yup minum pay out for 4th should be minimum 4k
TMgrind [observer]: how many times did u guys suck out this tourney to get to this point?
RunIt2wice: easily
RunIt2wice: i dont know if i did
RunIt2wice: i dont think i was ever all in after rebuy
Spok69Royal: I'll ddo
TMgrind [observer]: i got busted out of this tourney with aces
TMgrind [observer]: like usual
hurryuuup: this is my least sucky outy but thats not saying much
Devil'sChips: it needs to be more than 4000 or i'm mcarrying on
RunIt2wice: nver happend to me
HostEstebanD [Host]: The numbers by chip count chop would be RunIt2wice $7,243.64 , Spok69Royal $5,981.86 , hurryuuup $5,966.33 , Devil'sChips $5,317.32. If you all wish to proceed, please type "I agree"
RunIt2wice: its way more
RunIt2wice: ;(
RunIt2wice: ill agree
HostEstebanD [Host]: What do you mean?
RunIt2wice: thats fine RunIt2wice: ill be nice
Spok69Royal: i agree
hurryuuup: I agree
RunIt2wice: dev?
RunIt2wice: well over ur reques
RunIt2wice: t Devil'sChips: ok i agree
RunIt2wice: dev
RunIt2wice: ty
HostEstebanD [Host]: Great, we have a deal. Please finish the tournament and once done, I will update the accounts accordingly.
RunIt2wice: gg guys
RunIt2wice: playin for pts now hurryuuup: gl and gg
HostEstebanD [Host]: I apologize for the delay guys. have a good one
Spok69Royal: ty
1admiraldonk [observer]: gl guys
Mattman1969 [observer]: grats u guys

So that was that. Now we’re down to five, chip leader has 20m, the rest of us have effectively identical stacks – me with 7m, the other two with 5m. I must have been hellbent on knocking someone out because I raise with QT in the SB, BB shoves on me and I call. God knows why, he has A8, hits an 8 and I lose 5m chips. O-U-C-H.

Luckily this story has a happy ending because the very next hand, readers, I win back just over half of that with a pair of lowly fives. AJ and KQ follow shortly after and now the stacks among the remaining four are much more even: 15m, 10m, 10m and 7m, with me on one of the 10s. Having said in the chat that I haven’t sucked out much, I now call an all-in from the short stack. I’m in the BB with 6.1m, he’s in the SB with 3m and I figure I’m way ahead of his range with my AJd, given that he’s probably on a steal. Unfortunately he does have a hand, AK, but somehow I suck out with a flush on the turn and we’re down to four, and then when someone’s QJ sucks out with trip jacks after calling the short stack’s QQ all-in, it’s time for a red-hot threesome.

Of course it’s purely for the bragging rights now as the money is locked up. After coming down in the world, the big stack is now big again with 23m vs the other guy’s 12m and my 8m. Ironically, just two hands before I bust out I get AA on the button, raise to 3x (too big, I know), SB folds, BB completes. We check a flop which has three hearts – not that I’m scared of them, I’m going all the way with this hand but I don’t want to scare off my opponent either if he doesn’t have a heart – then on the turn I min-raise his 1.5m bet, then go all in on the river, which goes uncalled.

I now have 19m to their 12m and 11m but I’m not really concentrating very much at all now, I kind of lose my stamina at the end of these things, and with the money already agreed I really want bed. Anyway, I lose 3m with king high when villain and I check hand down and his Q8 rivers an eight; should have bet, grrr. We’re both now on 16m, the third guy on 11m. Something very, very strange has happened to my Poker Tracker, which now jumps to a hand when I’ve got just 700k. The hands inbetween are missing, so tragically I can’t tell you how I – oops – lost 15m chips; rest asured it was probably something very donkish like calling off all my stack with a gutshot and two undercards... So that was that, 3/6633 for $5,966. Thanks for reading.

The day of the latest tourney fell on one of the couple of Sundays that I work each year. I’d had a really nice half-hour walk around Regent’s Park at lunchtime, part of my new keep fit regime, and then down Parkway in Camden, buying a fab chicken and salad lunch from touchy-feely organic munchers’ hangout zone Fresh and Wild, then the copy of The Big Issue (!!, gave away where it was! Okay it’s outside Fresh and Wild but like the life-restoring pods in the pool in Cocoon, you must keep it under your hat). Then I went back to work for the afternoon and off home at 6, just in time to make the $3 rebuy, which I’ve started playing every night, frankly.

My strategy in this tourney (surely the softest MTT on the internet, or anywhere) varies wildly according the table and my mood. I once made 21 double rebuys, which took me to second in chips at the break but meant I barely recouped several hours later. Anyway, I’m a bit more careful with my poker cash these day and try to limit myself to five double rebuys, max, plus the add-on.

My usual strat is play all suited and non-suited connectors, 65 and better, KQ, AT and better. Not a fan of playing flops either, and like to shove pre every time. When you do get called you’re rarely in terrible shape unless someone has a big pair, but really you want to get called and gamble as you’re not looking to win the blinds, you’re looking to double or treble up.

It’s a brilliant strategy because everyone gets pissed off and starts calling you a lot, which again is what you want. So it’s a gambly style but one that’s meant recently that I’ve always had at least 10k going to the break.

On the night in question, I lost my first 2 x 1,500 when I raise pre-flop with tens, got called, then shove on a low flop. Get called by a pair of sevens, which then hits a set on the turn. Whatevurrrr.

I then drizzle away half my next 3k and then all of it when I call an all-in with A5 (these all-ins are usually people wth low pairs and I was obviously in a gambly mood/on tilt/you guess which).

I reload, immediately gets eights (v lucky hand for me, in the way that sevens are really unlucky) and shove pre-flop. The blinds are only 25-50 but again, I like this tactic of going all in with hands I like as I don’t want to win the blinds of 75, I want to flip. Which is exactly what happened, when I get a call from the button with AQ. Everyone else gets clear, I flop a set and now we’re up and running with over 6k.

Except not really because I then pick up AJ UTG, raise 3x, get reraised all-in by the SB and then by the BB. Wtf?! I call and am up against jacks and queens! In the blinds?! I mean, be reasonable. I fail to hit and lose 3.8k. At least things couldn’t get much worse – until the next hand, that is, when things got much worse.

I pick up QQ in the BB, mid position raises 3x, late position goes all in, I call, as does the initial raiser and I’m up against JJ in mid and AQ in late and of course my friend with the fish hooks firms up his hand further with a jack on the flop. Brilliant. Felted again. If I were a nit I guess I might fold QQ to that much heat but that’s not the way I like to play the $3 rebuys.

So then, 3k in chips again. Very next hand: AK suited in the SB. Something’s got to come off... UTG limps, cutoff limps, I push all-in. It’s just the way I like to play the rebuys, keep pushing and eventually people will start calling you down a bit light, whatever the table dynamic. My friend UTG has me owned with KK and what do you know it, there goes my 3k. What’s a guy got to do to get six thousand chips around here?

Two hands later in the cutoff I get AK again, and remembering how nicely it had lost me all my chips, decide to again play it to the max. Very simple hand – UTG+1 shoves all in preflop with no raises ahead of him and I call, he has A8 and I double up. Finally.

I then haemorrhage 2k of them off again (CUE: CANNED LAUGHTER) and left with 4.3k decide to gamble for a double up and throw in my last 3.6k with A5 and run into AA and another pair. Never flops well, A5.

Clearly on tilt I then shove over the top of the UTG’s 3x raise and he calls. My A3 vs KJ, neither of us improves and with a few minutes left to the end of the rebuy period I’m back to the mythical $6k.

I play tight for first half hour after the break, then add nearly 8k to stack with AJ and KJ on consecutive hands. I’m well into Meet The Parents now; always watch a film to stop me playing too many hands (I didn’t have one on in the rebuy period, which might account for the Wild West-style bloodbaths). I take a few steps back when I decide to call a 4k all-in with AQ and run into a pair of fours, which hold up and take a third off my stack. Bit loose, that.

In this tourney, good and bad hands seemed to come in pairs, and two good ones come along, starting with a pair of threes. I stick out a probe bet when three hearts flop (I don’t have any), villain calls, we check the turn, I suck out with a straight on the river but check it down, scared he might be trapping with the flopped flush as he went so quiet on the flop.

I dodge bullets the next hand when the button shoves on my SB, I call with A4d, he has 97d, neither of us improves. Now I’m up to 15.8k, with blinds 250/500-60, so bobbing along nicely.

Ten minutes later there’s yet another pair of biggies, when I pick u the worst hand in Hold ’Em (AA) in mid position. UTG limps, I limp, one other limps and the SB shoves for 4.4k. Everyone else gets out the way, I call, he has a pair of deuces, miraculously fails to hit a third one and then I’m filing his 4.3k away under ‘M’ for “My chip stack”.

Next hand, KQ UTG, simple 3x raise, everyone folds. Stack: 22.5k.

Things take off in a battle of the blinds when I flop a queen-high flush draw and call silly-sized bets from the SB which suggests he might be on a flush draw, too. The draw hits on the river, and now that there is the A and the K of spades on the board I know my queen is good. Villain checks, obviously scared how good his flush is, and I bet all-in, he calls and my stack jumps from 18k to 38k.

I then go on a rampage, winning two big pots without showing, and one with a final hand of a pair of aces.

My policy of not splashing around like an amateur in tons of pots seems to pay off because I then just keep winning great chunks, with losses small and few and far between. Most of the wins came from not showing down, which is good in that it suggests I’m not just blindly shoving all in and hoping for the best, which used to be how I played too much of the time.

By this time Meet the Parents has run out and I’m on to the director and producer’s commentary, which seems to be just as talismanic as the main feature so I stick with it. I start to look around my room for my copy of 21 (which served me so well in my win at Christmas, not that I’m superstitious) but can’t find it.

I must have been starting to get a bit concerned by this stage at the 2500/5000-400 blinds and a 47k stack because I shove UTG with A7; luckily I don’t get called. On the next hand, UTG+1 raises to 20k, gets two callers and I call in the SB with K8; not a seemingly EV+ move but I was getting 4.7-1 on my money and lo and behold the flop it did come 288 and the Lord said you shall slow play this or I shall inflict a terrible plague upon your chip stack.

SB and I check the flop, pre-flop raise sticks his last 20k into 85k, UTG+2 and I call. I check the turn, hoping he’ll go crazy, he checks too, I bet another $20k into a $147k pot for value, thinking he might stump this up as he’ll still have 2/3 of his stack left if he loses, but he folds, and now I’m up to $166k, which should relieve some of those M worries.

Stand by for part two.

Now, for those of you whose lives have been a tortured maelstrom as you wait for latest news of my 3% challenge, you'll be pleased to know that immediately after the last post (which chronicled my $1 win for fifth place in a 45-player 25c SnG) I slapped down ANOTHER 25c, this time in a 90-player, and came first for a jaw-dropping $6.20. 

It was a funny old game, that. When it got to heads up, I discovered very quickly that my opponent liked to fold. Oh boy, did he like to fold. He folded so much when I habitually raised on the button that I started doing it every hand, regardless of position. Was he waiting for a big hand before he got involved? Was he trying to lull me into a false sense of – oh get real, this was a $1 tourney.

Playing a madman

Even so, it didn't make sense. Every now and then he would call, then usually check the flop and fold to a bet. About one hand in 15 he would raise, and then of course I got out the way. But mainly I was raising, and he just kept folding. At one point he wrote "fu". I couldn't believe it. F me?? I tried to get him to explain, I even tried to goad him with: "STOP FOLDING" but it didn't work. I was just draining the blinds from him at quite a rate. 

I had a 12-1 chip lead and he was rapidly on his way to being blinded out... And that's what happened. He was just forced in, doubled up, and lost a few hands later. I've never seen anything like it and it still baffles me. It was actually disconcerting, like I was playing a madman.

In an afternoon I'd got my bankroll from 44c to nearly $7. I was pretty pleased, but I unwisely decided I couldn't face any more 25c jobs, I would spend it all, Charlie-Bucket-and-the-bar-of-chocolate style, on two buy-ins to my beloved $3 rebuy at 7.15pm.

I doubled up almost immediately with pocket tens, then took a hit with AQ vs AK, then went all in with queens in early position only to get four bloody callers and... and I was out. All that work. Annoying, but that's what you get for putting all your bankroll on the line, even if it is just £7.

Anyway, my afternoon of very low-stakes fun did give me a chance to simultaneously finish catching up with Channel 4's Premier League Poker, which is sooooo much better than the leaden Poker After Dark. I couldn't resist snapping this incredible call by Annette. Ah, tourneys, I'm going to miss 'em, but I've finally come to realise (I know I say this every week) that the variance will just crush me, financially and mentally. My decision-making at low stakes is pretty good now, so I'd like to see some money for it up front, rather than all these day-long attempts to go deep in MTTs.

Starting balance: $500

Current balance: $350. Absolutely f****** shameful.

Until next time. That call:

8) The smug red colour their faces turn when they suck out to make runner-runner royal to give them a big chip lead in their first tourney.

7) Slow rolling. Oh, slow rolling. Also: not flipping their cards at showdown until they’ve worked out what their final hand is.

6) Declaring three cards as a straight or a flush.

5) The hugely disproportionate amount of time they spend trying to remember what constitutes a straight flush and royal flush, even though you tell them they won’t get one.

4) A newbie saying: “We should have whiskey for this!”

3) People who appear to have been dragged along to the game and have a weird terror of losing any money whatsoever. It makes you wonder how they get through life – do they walk everywhere, forage for nuts and berries in the park at lunchtime, strap bottles of home-made lager under their trousers and drink it through a tube when they go to the pub?

"For the love of God, how will I ever be able to tell Margaret I'm nine pounds down!?"

2) A non-player warning you against poker, saying the house always wins and telling you they say that film 21 with that Kevin Spacey.

1) People who don’t play asking: “How can you play poker online, don’t you have to look at people?” ARRRGGGHHHHH. YES, YOU’RE RIGHT, IN LIVE POKER THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO TIME FOR CONSIDERING POSITION, STACK SIZES, POT ODDS, IMPLIED ODDS, REVERSE IMPLIED ODDS, PLAYER TYPE, PLAYER HISTORY, PLAYER STATE OF MIND, TABLE IMAGE, BLIND LEVELS, HAND RANGES OR ESTIMATED VALUE BECAUSE WE ARE TOO BUSY LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. WE’RE ALL SO UTTERLY AMAZING AT READING PEOPLE – AND IT’S SUCH AN IMPORTANT SKILL – THAT MANY PLAYERS TURN UP IN A FULL “MARTY MCFLY” TIME TRAVEL SUIT (CUSTOM MADE FOR THEM BY UNIVERSAL STUDIOS IN SOME CASES) AND COMMUNICATE THEIR INTENTIONS (AND ANY ORDERS TO WAITRESSES) ON A SMALL PIECE OF SLATE, ON WHICH THEY WRITE AS BEST THEY CAN GIVEN THEIR HEAVILY PADDED GLOVES. INDEED, EVERY HAND OF POKER TAKES AN AVERAGE OF 38 MINUTES BECAUSE WE STARE EACH OTHER DOWN UNTIL SOMEONE CALLS THE CLOCK ON US, EVERY SINGLE STREET.