By
TiltinShoes |
Published
Jan 29 2008, 01:07 PM
|
Believe it or not, I have actually attempted to never say this, though essentially it was what I tried to do this month. I try not to say it because it is extremely cliche and it is annoying when it comes from a low limit grinder. I know this has been done to death so if you don't want to hear another slant on it stop reading now.
Disclaimer: I would never attempt to follow up on AJK's article but it got me thinking.
I will start with some background info. I was having a decent amount of success playing MTTs and MTT SNGs at Full Tilt playing here and there. Basically, playing part time I was making more than I was at work while also having more fun than I was at work: imagine that. In December I had a good month, enough to take care of all of my living expenses for January and still have the roll to play the games I was beating, so I decided to take the plunge. I talked it over with my wife, who was only slightly skeptical, and called my family, for whom I worked in a retail shop while going to school, and told them all the news. Actually I was shocked at the support they were all giving me.
Before it could all start I had to think about my gameplan especially since I had to work around classes and it was simple. I won't get into what it was as it really has no bearing on the point of the article; the point is simply that I set up my plan based on my belief of an achievable ROI in a game I was currently crushing. Basically, as far as I could tell I had done my homework and this was all pretty fool proof, and everything was in place for the perfect job. Making good money for a hobby.
Now I will skip to the end of the month, to now. It is back to the work force making next to nothing, playing poker as nothing more than a hobby and I have to be honest; I couldn't be more relieved. January, simply put, kicked my ass. I didn't lose my money (actually only ended up stuck $100). So to be fair, my little experiment didn't really fail. Nothing hurt, nothing gained but a little perspective.
This is what being a professional poker player (I hate that phrase)consisted of for me: frustration, stress, exhaustion, and the inability to be anything but a dick. I was misserable. The game I loved turned into a grind and I no longer wonder why they call it that. I wasn't excited to play when I went to my computer, but rather felt like a zombie doing what was required of me at my job, only worse than at my old job, at least I was able to interact with people there.
There are a few secrets that everyone who has been there talks about but others don't seam to believe - myself included. It is a grind. It feels like work, not play. Over a full work day, you see a lot of shit that you can't believe, and it wears on you, or at least it did me. This last one is a tough one: for a lot of people, they aren't as good as they had hoped. This is me, or at least I think it is. Worstly for me because I hate hate it when people blame everything one circumstances, I was constantly bitching:
"Wow, shouldn't suprise me though."
"Why does FTP hate me?"
"Not rigged my ass."
"I hate this f'n lucksac game."
"Asjkldhjfioasdhyfuiohasdjkfhasuiodhfjisahdjkfhasuidfhjiashdfjkhajkh!!!!!!!!!!"
The truth is I probably just was not as good as I had thought. Silly me. Actually I lied, worstly for me, poker took over my personal life. It was frusterated all month, not just while playing. My wife and I were having rediculous arguments for no reason but my own irritation from poker. I carried it with me everywhere. This is the biggest problem. I am typically one of the most optimistic, happy go lucky guys I know. In January I didn't recognize me when I looked in the mirror. On a lighter note, even my dog like me less now. That is somewhat humerous but it is in no way false. She seriously fears me now, and I have no violent urges ever towards humans or animals. Only punching bags and bad guys in video games.
The point of all of this is not to discourage people for playing for rent. If you can do it and enjoy it, great. Good for you. But poker simply isn't cut out for everyone. This is coming from someone that thought people who said that simply didn't have the heart. I know better now. I love poker (well not at this exact moment), but now I know it is better to have as just a hobby. The people who can do it for a living have a special mentality, not better or worse than mine, just different. Hopefully I can get back to enjoying poker, but if not, no big deal. I do know this though, I am going to get back to enjoying my life.