At this point I think I can consider myself a regular. Last year was a great year for me. I was lucky enough that when I made it deep in tournaments, I got top three finishes. The UB 200k, the stars nightly, FTP brawl, etc etc. Towards the end of the year I had deep finishes in some events that didn't go my way, but in general I was very happy with my results and cleared a nice profit.
This year I've probably had more chances for big scores than anyone else. I was huge chipleader of the 100r FTOPS and took a huge flip on the bubble, got 14th in the 320 on stars as well as the 500 Friday tournament on FTP. Not to mention a 17th in the HORSE FTOPS (in the last 3 FTOPS I've final three tabled the HORSE), a 12th in the 100r Sunday, and countless others. Hell, I somehow managed to be 1st with 83 left in the UB 500 UBOC and somehow got 82nd. How's that for impressive?
I didn't write about these tournament shortcomings to simply bemoan my bad luck. For the most part its simply been variance not going my way, losing a coinflip when it matters or taking an 80/20. These things don't bother me. I remember several years ago thinking that people that played for a living were full of shit when they said the bad beats and variance didn't affect them, but trust me, it really doesn't. I can sit there and lose several tournaments at once on bad beats and I just laugh at myself as I know its part of the game. As long as I get my money in well, I am happy with the result and usually move on right away. The best is when you trap someone and they're drawing super slim and get there. I actually feel satisfaction when I do this now even if I lost, whereas a few years ago I would have punched my monitor and kicked a puppy because of the result.
However, the one thing that really bothers me personally, is making bad plays. In the Wednesday 320 on Stars last week I raised on the button with 55 being about 80bbs deep. I was 2nd with 15 left and first was over 50k. I had decided that the BB was active and when he 3-bet I was going to 4-bet shove. Instead, the player just shoved out of the bb for 50bbs. Instead of thinking through the hand, I snap called. He had 88 and it was just an atrocious call considering my table for the most part was inexperienced and I could have easily glided to the final table with a nice stack. I went out shortly thereafter.
Bad plays are what follow me in my dreams. I've been thinking about that 55 hand for weeks now. The biggest problem with my game is I've been telegraphing what I'm going to do before the hand even happens. A lot of players will tell you that you need to think about what the other players will do before you act on your own hand. This is true, but you need to take a few seconds to react to their actions before you come to a final conclusion.
Let me give an example: You have Ax suited in the bb with a 3k starting chips and call a raise from a player in EP with 3k chips as well. There is 160 in the pot and you flop a flush draw. You decide that you're going to bet out and when you get raised you will shove so that you have fold equity and can see two cards with your draw if he calls and force him to a difficult decision to begin with. You bet out for 100 and the player makes it 1,100 to go. It is obvious that your Ax suited is very much behind, and your opponent is never folding. Even though you originally made the decision that you were going to go with your hand, you realize this is an awful spot and fold. (The flop doesn't matter in this example).
The example above is what I've been having issues with. I think its a huge link in my game as well as many others. I hate when I play live poker and players take forever to make decisions, and I think that's why I react so quickly online. Lately, I've been trying to take a few seconds to think about the hand thoroughly before I make my decision. I think you should, too. It will help you from sleepless nights because you suck at playing 55 ;-) I think it was Jennifer Harman that said that every hand is a story that has a beginning, middle, and end. In the end, that story has to make sense. I've been reading the story with pretty good cognition so far, but I really should be reading that ending several times to truly understand the meaning.
Sorry for the rambling. If I was writing this professionally I would go back and make the thought processes more clear, but I kind of enjoyed letting my mind wander a bit :).