I guess there comes a time in everyone's life that they do something incredibly stupid, and all they want to do is go back in time and take it back.
When I think of what I just did, it reminds me of all the familiar famous celebrity's of my generation who went and made some serious “mistakes”.
Just off the top of my head, three come to mind. Michael Vick was a large part of a dog fighting ring that destroyed his career. Martha Stewart got involved with inside trading. Chris Brown ruthlessly beat his beautiful girlfriend. These are 3 examples of the many mainstream people who made a mistake, a big and terrible one, and must live with the consequences of it.
Now thankfully what I did wasn't illegal and wasn't heartless. No, it wasn't in the same ballpark as these three people. It was just something as simple as clicking the wrong button by an accident.
Today in the largest buy-in tournament of my life, the $10,000 buy-in High Roller WCOOP event, I misclicked. Instead of typing in “1333” I typed in “13333” and put a large chunk of my stack in the middle. Unfortunately, a player woke up with Aces and shoved me and I made a very questionable call. Actually, the more I think about it, I made a pretty awful call. Regardless, the point is, I fucked up by typing in the wrong number and it culminated into this.
The hand is shown here... http://www.pokerhand.org/? 4666348
Had I not done this I would of had a very healthy stack that was above average. I would of been in cruise control to get the minimum prize of $22,000 and a very good shot at winning the $600,000+ first place prize.
I must say this is a pretty new feeling. A bad beat hurts, but it's part of the game. A bad play hurts, but it's part of the game too. Both of these hurt tremendously and can destroy people. However, as a veteran poker player, I've learnt to deal with them as they come. If bad enough, they do hurt, but it doesn't take long to shrug it off and just take a deep breathe and say, “oh well, it's part of the game”.
What I just did is not part of the game. I completely fucked up and gave away my entire stack. Honestly, I'm in so much shock I don't even know what to feel. I know 10 minutes ago when it happened, I felt like I just got shot. It's really just something us poker players do in our nightmares. The fact that it actually happened to me, is literally, beyond belief.
I'm so hurt, I'm so embarrassed, and I'm a complete fucking moron. I already punched myself in the face, but, that's not enough. How do I play and win the FTOPS drunk and not do something like this, but when I'm stone cold sober I make this inexcusable mistake. I thought writing about this would help, it hasn't. I don't know what's going to help.
I'm sure I'll snap out of it eventually. Maybe realize how lucky I am to be able to misclick for 10's of thousands of dollars (maybe hundreds of thousands) and not have my life ruined because of it. But not right now. Right now I don't know what to feel besides the most gut wrenching feeling of my entire life. I'm sorry to those who wanted me to do well and had financial interest in me. I'm sorry to myself, I really fucked up, I'm really sorry.
My friends were going to come over tonight and watch me play. We were going to put some serious beers back and have a great night. Possibly ride to my biggest final table of my career. I played flawless all tournament to get my stack to where it was. Things were looking so good. Win or lose I'm sure it would of been a fun time.
Instead, I feel like I'm almost fighting back tears and my jaw is still on the floor. This has to be a bad dream. Someone pinch me please. I want to wake up now.