Hi poker community,
Reaching out to find out when enough's enough. I've been playing and studying poker for 13 years, and I am a poor man as the result. I've been stuck playing baby buy ins my entire career, because I can't break through. All of my poker friends and acquaintances have had some sort of significant success while I am dragged down by the fish. I'm contemplating life, and how much I feel I'm wasting away trying to succeed playing the game I hate at all times. Every opportunity for me to have a chance at something ends up in disaster. Over the years, I think and talk about poker tricking myself like I have some sort of grasp on the game as I watch my friends build their bankrolls. Mine is depleted for the 10th time. I'm currently down because I just played a dinky $6 satellite with one seat awarded to the million dollar guarantee on ACR in September. There was a consolation prize of $72. I made the final table and got to 4 handed with 380,000 at 4k/8k with the next closest player having 100k. I was positive that with a stack like that, like I always see, the cards would go my way while I played my best. But once we got 4 handed, I proceeded to lose EVERY SINGLE HAND until I was eliminated. The other 3 players had been playing extremely terribly during the rest of the tournament. The player on my right was down to 1 BB with 10 players left and hadn't played a hand AT ALL for almost an hour. Then he starts sticking it in every hand with trash and hits everything. The hand that started my fall was when said player raised the btn to 23k. I moved all in from the SB with K9hh knowing that he could be raising with a monster in that spot hoping to induce, but, his play style wasn't weighted that way. I figured he'd fold all of his marginal hands as if he had intended to get it in, he would just shove his hands to keep his FE. however, after raising and facing my all in bet, he calls it off with the A2o and flops an A. WHY? Why isn't he just shoving there? I'll tell you why. Because he's a fucken donkey. Then, why is he calling? I'll tell you why. He's calling because the thought in his head either "whatever, I don't care" or "I has an ace!". That's who I'm fucking losing to day in and day out. The next hand, I'm dealt 55 on the btn, and shove and the BB wakes up with JJ and cripples me. The blinds hit me, and on the next orbit, I shove A6s from the SB for my last 9 bigs and get called by the BB who has 11 BB's and has been snug while he's holding K8o. Naturaly, his K hits the turn and eliminates me. After, I'm ready to end it all, poker and life. I feel sick, over a fucking $6 satty I thought I had locked up. I have a successful business and a stunningly intelligent and gorgeous fiancee, and I want to kill myself because I can't win a $6 satty having had a major CL 4 handed. I'm trying to earn extra money for us, and I figure at some point, my game would turn around based on my skill and understanding of the game. But both of those things are meaningless when my opponents get everything they need when it counts to beat me. This scenario hasn't stopped for me EVER. My hands don't hold, I can't get folds when I'm supposed to, my bluffs never work. I've bubbled 5 times as many tournaments as I've cashed, and I know for a fact that when I get it in in those spots, I'm rarely in bad shape, and almost always, dominating. The players who call me are the worst players at my table. Something makes them decide at that moment, to gamble, completely abandon any logical thought, and spin the poker wheel. They always win.
My finacee sadly has to deal with my horrible mood all the time. I have made her watch while I play, so I have a witness to the horror. She has watched on countless occasions while I find that fish and get him to stick it in while I have the goods only to watch him runner runner me, suck out with his 2 outer on the river, or straight up flop me dead with garbage. As much as I've learned, I watch the same players win massive tournaments, watching their KK hold against Ax, then flopping set over set, then making the nut flush, and WINNING. While I'm losing to Borgata Jack when he defends his BB with 72o for funsies, then donk shoves against my AA and back doors his straight. I watch my AA get cracked by the BB shoving over my btn raise with his QQ and spiking. I watch my AA get cracked when the BB decides to defend 63hh, flop a FD, and call my 20 BB shove and runner runner's his straight. If I don't get folds, I lose, plain and simple, and for some reason, people love not folding their trash.
I CAN'T WIN. It's complete BS when all you successful players out there talk about your thought processes about how to play your hands when you can't lose. If you're unlucky, it doesn't matter how well you play. For all of you who say you can avoid being unlucky by playing well and that those of us who think poker is all about luck have much to learn, screw yourself. You are lucky, the cards go your way when you need them to and that's why you've won. You make a hero call here or there, you get a bluff through. But when you need it to work out for you, it has. And here I am, feeding the fish because nothing works out for me....for 13 years.
I want to be successful at poker. I want my $ back that it has taken from me. I want to punish the players I'm supposed to punish. I want to be a poker beast, and have always wanted that. I make a great move against a fish and lose and get criticized by "better players", and watch the players who win have their praises sung for making such a good move when it works out for them in the same scenarios, same thoughts. I'm sick of seeing the top pros win and win and win. I watch them play. They're lucky. Their hands hold. That's the only difference between them and me. They win and I lose, that's the only difference.
My conclusion about poker is that you can study all you want, play all you can, but if you're unlucky, that's the bottom line. I should have such an easy life at this point from poker. But even with all I have, I feel worthless. And if you say "just keep getting in those spots and eventually it will go your way", straight up suck it. I don't know how many more spots I can get it in good. Poker sucks. I wish I had never learned about it.