1. OK OK. big HEMS!!!! here. i know you guys loved my last bad beat story. ( i hate people who laugh at the bad beats of others!!!) But this one is just toooo much badder.

    ok. so im sitting at the $1-2 NO LIMIT!!! table on ub!!! i buy in for $40, the minimum, because I LOVE TO GO ALL IN!!!!!!! wooooooooo! i hate those people who hate going all in. next month i am legally changing my name to AL En. But anyway, back to the BAD BEAT! OK. So ive built my $40 up to $100!!! WOOT! after a few good plays, a few times in which i had my stupid idiot friggen donkey oppoents soot dominated when they went all in, i took their $$.

    I look down at K Q on the BUTTON!!! for those of you who are knew, the button is the best position in hold em because you get to play with the dealer disc while you are bored in the hand. ok. ok. anyway, i do a fist pump because i love being sooted. it means i might hit a flush. ok. a few UTG limpers, i RAISE IT UP to $4.25!!! why a small raise BIG HEMS?!?! well nub, its because i like to raise it UP!!! ok, sb bb and the limpers call. 5 people see the flop.

    FLOP 2 A Q

    OK I DO 2 FIST PUMMPS!! (pump pump) i have flopped a pair and the nut flush draw. and a royal flush draw. I do some quick math and calculate the $60 in the pot and the 6-1 chance i have of hitting my royal gives me some pretty good odds, so when the bb bets $10, and a limper raises to $30, i have to do some thinking. after doing the math and putting them both of JJ ( different suits of course! LOL) i go all in to see where im at. this concept may be knew to you nubs. basically, if you don't know if you have the best hand.. GO ALL IN! if you get called, you are beat.. or you are ahead, and if you dont get called... $$$

    i lost to a friggin idiot with AQ OFFSUIT who plays that for a $2 raize??? AND WHY DIDNT HE PUT ME ON 22 LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE?!?! GOOD THING I DIDNT HAVE 22 my god friggen idiots

    TURN J i creamed my pants when this card came.. 2-1 that i will hit my royal now!!!

    river 2

    yeah.. 2 2s SO RIGGED!!!


    PS I posted this at the end of the month so its fresh in their minds... $20 please!!!

    EDIT PPS. BET ON THE NON-RELATIVE STRENGTH OF YOUR HAND!! i cant emphasize this enough. if you have quads... with 22223 ont he board and you have 45... GO ALL IN... YOU HAVE QUADS!!! I MEAN COME ON!! you cant lose with quads.. when was the last time you lost with quads?!?! and besides.. it lets you tell people that you lost with quads, they will feel bad for you, and might give u some $$$ BIG HEMS OUT
    Add BigHems to Rail
  2. someone give this kid a shirt.
    Add LetsHustle to Rail
  3. fricken sweet hems. good bad beat again.
    Add Imperial to Rail
  4. Was this guy drunk while he typed this?
    Add Frambush to Rail
  5. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW, that could very well be the sickest beat ever.

    I can't believe you didn't hit your royal draw. I would have creamed my pants too!

    Meh, at least you got your money in with a soooooooooooooooooted hand.
    Add Falb7 to Rail
  6. Perhaps the funniest thing i've read in a while. Thanks Big Hems. WOOT!
    Add oculus23 to Rail
  7. "i go all in to see where im at"

    I admit, I laughed out loud when I read that.

    Thanks again Hems
    Add Cal to Rail
  8. lol idk who this guy is but the "fist pump cuz i love bein sooted" and playin with the dealer disc is flat out funny shit.
    Add poundthatace to Rail
  9. I'm crying this is so funny. Kudos again to Big Hems for another gem!
    Add tuffmonkey to Rail
  10. ok first off i wanna say something about this bad beat... first off moron you had two 2 of diamonds second off you cant believe he called you with a q off first off you admitted under your own writing it was a small raise and he had ace queen which statistically is a good pre flop hand and then he hits his two pair and you want him to fold you must be some kind of moron i would love to play againist your dumb ass one day cause from what i see you suck
    Add espo2003 to Rail
  11. Haha, someone that took this post as serious. Sh*t dude, find yourself a sense of humour! w00t!


    K J
    Add Carnite to Rail
  12. this is no bad beat,,,this guy had you beat pre-flop if anything you couldve given him a bad beat, and you must be horrible trying to chase down a nut flush draw needing runner runner...rediculous
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  13. (it's a joke. he's telling the story from the perspective of a donkey, but shhhh... don't tell anyone).
    Add NIURAT to Rail
  14. My bad beat story in March was far better.
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  15. Espo & Over (sorta sounds like partners on a crime drama)... dudes, go to the store and buy a sense of humor. This is a joke... BigHems is some funny chit. I love it... THE FIST PUMP!!!!!! THE DOUBLE FIST PUMP!! THE DEALER BUTTON!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOTED.

    Going all in to find out where you are at in the hand... is that from Harrington or Cloutier???

    Looking forward to next month's installment. Hems owns.

    Add NickS260 to Rail
  16. BigHem's might have ruined it for the rest of us by setting the bar. It's not about the beat, it's about the humor in which you tell your story. I want to win a t-shirt, but I just can't get into the heads of my ridiculous opponents the way BigHem can. Not to mention. I never sit at my computer and do fist pumps or dare try to do DOUBLE fist pumps. I just sit here quietly drinking my Maudite, and shake my head (and occassionaly my fist) while laughing at the silliness a witness daily. :o(
    Add NIURAT to Rail
  17. Don't take this the wrong way, BH, but you need to get bad beat again real soon so you can post another gripping story.

    I have NO IDEA how this is going to happen. With the way you play and the skills you have (i.e. going all in to see where you're at) you are pretty much unbeatable.

    I also just wanted to bump this back up. People that missed it haven't lived...

    ps. he needs to be a p5's blogger i think.
    Add Panda Watch to Rail
  18. Big Hems- i get the biggest kick out of your posts. I have never laughed so hard...from your fist pumps and sooooted cards to your WOOT! it is all just priceless...if you wrote a book titled "The Best of BigHems" I woulld be first in line. Keep it coming!

    Free Shirt? Give this guy a free powder blue leisure SOOT! LOL
    Add xsnakeeyesx to Rail
  19. Are you kidding me. Did you really say that you can't be beat with Quads on the board. Man you had better put down that crack pipe cause you had enough. If you have a K and I have An A your going to be looking very, very stupid.
    Add 5560E to Rail
  20. ^^^ you should check out this website: www.ebay.com
    You can bid for a sense of humor of even sarcasm detector if you can find one
    Add RHCNNN to Rail
  21. CLASSIC, bighems u have the worst luck ever!!! Don't worry, u cant get outdrawn forever, keep up te solid play and it will pay off in the long run.
    ps, i was crying i was laughing so hard at this,and the morons who think its real make me laugh even harder
    Add saint to Rail
  22. I just can't beleive how many people take him seriously, and they seem to be getting all offended. People that have never posted before chip in to tell him that he was making a bad play. I guess that it might be the first time where they've actually been able to rub their two brain cells together and figure out that this is bad play... I should take note of who these people are and try and find them on the tables, not that the conversation at those tables would be amusing, judging by their fantastic sense of humour...
    Add Carnite to Rail
  23. with the way he plays.......hes just making a laugh outta the beat....

    grow up
    Add burningrushx to Rail
  24. Hems you soared above banality, only to arrive at fatuity, but what a glorious ride along the way!!! You're certifiable, buddy... definitely my kind of people!! It's probably only a coincidence but I happen across many players with similar poker styles as yours, lolol.... Keep the wit and wisdom coming in massive quantities is all I can tell ya... :)
    Add 2Slick4u to Rail
  25. Not sure which is funnier Big Hems or the guys who took the post "serious"

    VERY Funny BIG
    Add Generaly to Rail
  26. lol u have no sense of humor
    Add doomed222 to Rail
  27. Well the 1% chance that any 2 suited cards have to make a flush pre-flop is definately worth at least 3 fist pumps ;)

    I have never seen some one calculate his odds any worse. I especially love the 6-1 to make the royal with only the As on board followed closely by the 2-1 to hit it on the river. This kid needs to start a poker school.

    And the #1 reason to love this post: People actually think he is serious
    Add spks99 to Rail
  28. That was pretty funny dude.....but I had you beat.....21....blackjack baby.
    Add MjrPayne to Rail
  29. "after doing the math and putting them both of JJ ( different suits of course!* LOL)** i go all in to see where im at." whole post was funny but that one had me laughing my ass off. lol.. but i dont know what the best part the post or all these responces...
    Add gamblingfun to Rail
  30. Funniest post of all time.
    Add oddman to Rail

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