Here's my review that was, for some reason, rejected by the "powers that be". Just trying to be helpful and provide a review of a product that goes beyond traditional methods of improving your game! There is no doubt in my mind that this will give a huge boost to some of you hot-heads on here. I propose that this be the first review in the "miscellaneous" or "off the wall" category.
TAKE YOUR GAME TO THE NEXT LEVEL and make your kids happy (or at least pretend to be trying)
In order to contribute to P5’s, I considered writing reviews of everything poker related (books, programs, chip sets, monitors, etc) but it all became clear when I asked the question:
What recent purchase has taken my poker game to a different level?<SPAN> </SPAN>
I have read every book under the sun, use PokerTracker, read constantly on P5’s, but I can honestly point to one thing for my recent success, and the frame of mind that I needed to achieve it--- a STUFFED DONKEY TOY.<SPAN> </SPAN>
That’s right, I spent $35 dollars on a stuffed animal and I believe this has been the biggest key to my recent online success, as it has helped me cope with the insane amount of bad beats on PokerStars and has paid for itself by allowing me to save an estimated $1000 on new keyboards, monitors and the occasional mouse that would get thrown against the wall before this wonderful creature entered my life! I am not promoting any particular websites, as I think any stuffed donkey will get the job done, but I’ll include a link to my place of purchase (or adoption as I prefer to call it) because I think that my little donkey is more special than the others.<SPAN> </SPAN>Well, it should be pretty obvious that I love my pet stuffed donkey and here’s a few reasons you should welcome one into your family immediately:
<SPAN>Ø<SPAN> </SPAN></SPAN>Durability: This baby’s made of the best plush on the market and has withstood numerous attacks from me.<SPAN> </SPAN>It has gone through three months of online poker hell and I have unleashed the whole barrage of WWE moves on this little guy (piledriver, DDT, Razors’s Edge, Stone Cold Stunner, etc.) He does have a fragile neck, so I wouldn’t advise too many Camel Clutches, but everything else is fair game.<SPAN> </SPAN>
<SPAN>Ø<SPAN> </SPAN></SPAN>Family and Wife-Friendly: Score points on all fronts with this little guy. Of course you’re happy that you no longer need to break every loose item on your desk, but you can also pawn this loveable toy off as a “gift” to your children, wife, girlfriend, “domestic partner”, etc.<SPAN> </SPAN>Just make sure that the little ones aren’t watching while you lay an ass whooping on your so-called little plush friend!
<SPAN>Ø<SPAN> </SPAN></SPAN>Interactive: This only pertains to my model of donkey (see link below) because it also doubles as a puppet.<SPAN> </SPAN>Now we’re talking!<SPAN> </SPAN>This takes dealing with bad beats to a whole new level as you stick your hand up the donkey’s backside and put on a show!<SPAN> </SPAN>Example: “Oh look at me, I’m “insert name here”. The biggest mother f’n <SPAN>douc#eb&g</SPAN> donkey alive. Look at me push 115k in chips into a 4k pot and suck out on the greatest player that ever lived, “insert your name”, as an 8-1 underdog!”<SPAN> </SPAN>I can keep going and going with this one but you get the picture.<SPAN> </SPAN>The possibilities are endless!!<SPAN> </SPAN>
Here’s the link where I adopted my new best friend: http://www.stuffedark.com/donkeyfm.htm
<SPAN>Take my word for it, it’s the best $35 you will spend and has taken my online poker game to a new level!<SPAN> </SPAN></SPAN>
Lenny rejected this because he is the President of PETA
This may just be the best damn review ever written!!
Agreed, funniest post of the year.
Woopsies... maybe I should stop shooting squirrels off the telephone wires with my airgun for my dog to finish off, before Lenny finds out... Hahahahahahahahahahaha, just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Yogi and Coder. I think Lenny would be doing P5's a disservice to let this helpful review drift off into the archives.
btw, I just fired the little guy across the room and he fell in a plate of ketchup. Just discovered he doesn't clean up too well. I'll happily update my review w/ these groundbreaking developments if given my rightful place in the "Reviews" section. Stay tuned.
Lenny?? Will you ever come to your senses and let me in the reviewers club??