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I need help with my attidute and positivity

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I have been struggling recently with poker and life. How do you guys stay positive when life sucks and things are not going your way? I feel like when I been deep in mtts recently I haven't been winning the pots I need to. I am not bitching or anything because I have played over 20k mtts in my life. I just want to work on my attitude and have a more positive out look on my life. i get really negative about my poker game and my life sometimes and it doesn't help me. I honestly feel like my biggest leak in poker is my emotions and my negative attitude. I don't want to be that Debbie Downer at the table who bitches about every bad hand I lose. I need advice on being positive with life and having fun. What do you great players do when shit hits the fan and nothing is going your way? I want to mature as a poker pro and a person so what do I need to do in order to have a happier life? I really struggle to find the things that are good in my life when I am not winning in poker and not playing up to my ability. How do you guys deal with downswings and life event's that make poker tough. Does anyone have any good advice for me I need help. I want to be happpy but right now I am having a horrible attitude and I need some help. There are obviously a lot of people in this World that are in a lot worse situation then me but I get selfish and start to make excuses when things don't go my way. Maybe I need to meditate and pray more or something because my life really isn't that bad. I think I am hard on my self in poker because I expect great results because I have a lot of expereince playing mtts and I feel when I am on my game I can play with the best players. I am sorry I didn't use any paragraphs in my post I am just looking for some solid criticism. I love pocket fives and I value most of the posters thoughts on this site.

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Before I moved I had a heavy bag that i'd go to if I needed to let out some frustration, and I could return to the tables a little bit "fresher" than before. Now i'll go and play with dogs....jump in pool...take 15 minutes or so away....most ppl i've talked to need more than just the 15 min and if that's the case, not sure how you can do that...

As far as your outside life. If you're unable to disconnect from the game ( when things go bad ur cranky, when things go great ur wonderful ) away from the game, I can't really help ya. It's a mindset...tbh you may need to speak to a therapist to help ya get in the right frame of mind...

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Honestly just reaching out to more members in the community kinda put things in perspective.. Made me realize that variance is a real thing and for every bad beat I have at a ft there is somebody experiencing the same thing but at higher stakes.. Finally just realizing that it's a good thing for bad players to win on occasion. This is what allows games to still be profitable.. Good luck and you were fine when I sucked out on you repeatedly headsup in that 5r ;)

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I have been struggling recently with poker and life. How do you guys stay positive when life sucks and things are not going your way? I feel like when I been deep in mtts recently I haven't been winning the pots I need to. I am not bitching or anything because I have played over 20k mtts in my life. I just want to work on my attitude and have a more positive out look on my life. i get really negative about my poker game and my life sometimes and it doesn't help me. I honestly feel like my biggest leak in poker is my emotions and my negative attitude. I don't want to be that Debbie Downer at the table who bitches about every bad hand I lose. I need advice on being positive with life and having fun. What do you great players do when shit hits the fan and nothing is going your way? I want to mature as a poker pro and a person so what do I need to do in order to have a happier life? I really struggle to find the things that are good in my life when I am not winning in poker and not playing up to my ability. How do you guys deal with downswings and life event's that make poker tough. Does anyone have any good advice for me I need help. I want to be happpy but right now I am having a horrible attitude and I need some help. There are obviously a lot of people in this World that are in a lot worse situation then me but I get selfish and start to make excuses when things don't go my way. Maybe I need to meditate and pray more or something because my life really isn't that bad. I think I am hard on my self in poker because I expect great results because I have a lot of expereince playing mtts and I feel when I am on my game I can play with the best players. I am sorry I didn't use any paragraphs in my post I am just looking for some solid criticism. I love pocket fives and I value most of the posters thoughts on this site.

This some kind of level? lol

I don't get it , Ive spent a lot playing poker too but I don't have your statistics .I have gone broke multiple times have next to no bankrolls on any site now including pokerstars and fulltilt ,skypoker banned me for business reasons because I was in fact a large winning mtt player on their site ,and bluesqaure gaming blocklisted me for some apparent unknown reason on so called chargebacks.

You are aint doing nothing wrong kevmode trust me , the sites are playing daddyio with our ways of thinking, they control and monitor the game ,they are the ones in FULL control, If you play live do you win a lot more frequent? understandably we all get bad beats and we all play more hands online ,but seriously do you think you win more in mtts in live tournament poker than online?

Granted online moves at 100 paces much faster than live but the sites have geared up the projectives to make you play better poker.

Online can only be used in my opinion and defined as a learning Tool, even though I have no money in the world to play poker with it makes me wonder why I bother signing up to the sites, I cannot win freerolls with ease ,I rarely cash in mtts nowadays either and I just find the whole online poker steadily declining because its just the way poker is being dealt out online ie worst hand 99% always beating the best hand all in pre-flop scenarios/situations.To be quite frank it makes a complete mockery out of the whole game in general when you see all of this happen right before your very eyes day in day out.

Good luck

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I also might suggest if your feeling down is to seek help in other therapys , have you ever tried fishing? or tennis or football? release some of that hent up aggression that's what you need to do.!

You need to dissolve the badness out of your life ,be happy and don't let the haters get you down.

There are so many people that will critizize you in this world for whatever and any reasons , trust me im too long in the tooth for anyones bs these days , if I lose a pot online I call them a donkey if I think they played bad or got lucky etc.

the point is you need to be happy in everything you are doing and having fun at .Poker online isn't that great 99% of the time trust me , that's why I lose much much more than I ever do in live mtt play. not because im not very good ,its because the cards on these pokersites are the absolute bent cards ever produced . made by ridiculous software developers to ensure players such as you and myself do not win.They make money that much I am sure of just look at the fulltilt situation.

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I don't know if this is your main source of income or not Kev. In that case, I understand taking a break is more easily said than done. But... where possible a short rest can't be a bad idea.

You're right of course. There are people who have it far worse than you and I. It's hard to train the mind to think in that way though. Do you have any hobbies? I'm not kidding. Reading is cool and listening to music. However, what about writing or making music. Learning an instrument?

Was this what you wanted to do when you were a kid? Really? I had a brief stint playing poker and I enjoyed it but I found the nature of the game didn't mesh well with my anxiety (obv not going into that).

Perhaps an outlet Kev? I felt so much happier when I bought my Mac and got back to songwriting and recording with friends. Trying to bring something into the world. Not just taking.

I wouldn't expect you to take a prolonged break but maybe at this point in your life it's worth focussing on something you're good at. Hell, it could be woodwork. Fuck it. Make a box. Something you can look at. For me, it's something I can listen to.

This is maybe my third post or second and I don't plan on upping my rate, and yes I do apologise to if anyone finds this tedious but I figured I would lend a few minutes.

I hope you find a bit of peace and if this was indeed a level, shame on me. Probably for the I stopped playing.

All the best and the only thing I can add is that perhaps it would be nice to put something into the world that remains once you're gone. You're not taking that money with you after all.

Alex

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Kevin,

I think it's really cool (and a big step towards where you're trying to get) that you'd post this in the first place. I think EVERY poker player, myself included, goes through this mental struggle at some point in their careers. I've often told students that having a level head/positive outlook can even be more important at times than raw skill or ability (especially online). I think online poker, most notably MTTs, unfortunately is inherently a negative endeavor. I love poker and have been extremely fortunate, but still, the nature of MTTs has us losing well over 80% of sessions, not to mention the fact that some people literally aren't happy unless they win the tournament. This all coupled with what you mentioned, these insanely lofty goals that we all set for ourselves, it almost makes it impossible to reach them and be satisfied. Even when you win something big, many people just wanna win something even bigger, it's a crazy cycle, and very few jobs/games have these sort of emotional dynamics.

Don't feel crazy, I think these emotions are totally normal in poker, it's just a question of how to deal with it. I think this varies from person to person, just up to you to figure out what helps get you centered (meditation, reading, weed, movies, going out etc). I wish I had a solid answer of how to cure the creeping negativity of MTTs, but it's different for us all (and I haven't really solved it myself either). I think eliminating complaining is the first thing to deal with, which may sound trivial, but I've known many poker players in my time, and while some are the most positive/best ppl I know, some are unbearably negative, and I don't think it's coincidence that the positive ppl somehow tend to run better later on (we could argue cause and effect in this case, but in general I think positive energy is a HUGE thing in poker and if your energy is negative, it'l be hard to succeed). Again, wish I had a better answer, but just wanted to let you know that I think we all go through this too and I understand. Just keep your head up and grinding and good things always turn up when you least expect it.

On a side note, I wanna thank you for all the good work you put into poker. Can't imagine there being a more important twitter follow out there than @Kevmath. Thanks for all the hard work, you'll flip the script soon with a run good bink and the positivity will follow :)

Grayson

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For what its worth ,I didnt realise this was kevmath , I have had several discussions with him about toher issues on twoplustwo.sidestep all of that because that was some years ago and i had my reasons for all the bad people in poker.

Going back to the issue you raised kev, I think Grayson above is a good example and prime player who knows what hes talking about ,i suspect hes been in situations most of us havent regarding online poker ,and the experience in this day counts for a lot ,however i know what counts for another lot of people playing online and it isnt good news.

I will give you an example because certain pro players or distinguished players feel they are entitled to be better than others ,its not that they play well its just they get lucky ,sure they may have more learning tools at thier disposal such as hud programs or unique technology to read hand patterns etc but look in all seriousness they "distinguished players" think they hold an edge over all the other players ,its that mentality they need to get out of thier minds because using this strategy in todays climate playing rank amatuers and believe me ive met some students who literally call with anything and hit miracle runner runner cards or hit 1/2 outers on the river .These players havent got a clue but they play simply because its an enjoyable game to them, The trouble is how many of these type of players seriously are cashing in on the main bulk of todays large mtts and huge cash sessions online? not many let me assure you.

I suspect using online poker is just another way of playing the best players in the world thrown in with the mix of what the site offers , they give you the chance to play at a faster pace /make you learn more about positional play and also about hand rankings/ its basically giving you all the basic knowledge of tools at your disposal to make you become a better poker player longterm. Although I cannot say its helped with my live game .

You have to treat each situation each live game each online mtt as a core thing to grind, make the correct moves ,wait and be patient for hands etc .Play good solid poker and you wont go far wrong ,its all about using the basics and adapting different strategies to them.Sometimes they work out ,sometimes they dont.

Ive played some of the best online players admittedly ,Ive played on 6 or 7 different online sites and am down approximately $20,000 roughly in total , Do i hold any such grudges ? not really its a game at the end of the day ,do I chase losses ? I think to a certain degree yes ,its wrong but ill admit it im sure everyone else thinks the same thing. Having said that you have to know when to quit ,you have to be prepared to take the breaks as they come.

Id like to say a lot more ,you know I took my brother to london ept side event , yet was given only a handful of chips at the time , i was 6 hours late due to traffic at wembley yes coldplay were on ! lol anyway with those few chips I waited 4 rounds of blinds before i asked dealer to just turn them over ,i was forced all in ,I hit the nut straight on the turn only to be rivered by a flush by some dude who had no clue what he was doing , anyway he won i lost I was so amazed at hitting the turn card i slapped the table ,half the place looked over and when i see the river i was heartbroke .anyway its moments like that have a effect on you , afterwards i played cash on the tables with players who obviously had money ,I won a few hundred quid ,i lent my brother 50 quid who then lost pocket aces to pocket queens "rivered queen" .So gave him another 40 quid and carried on playing cash myself , I in the end got involved in a pot probably near over £120 when all told but i had raised aj in position ,got a late caller ,he reraised me on the flop so i flatted him flop came A99 tthen the turn card came the jack so ive got two pair now , he still bets out so again I flat call the turn £25 at this point. , the river was a king or something cant remember anyway he checks the river at this point i should have checked back to him ,but with about 100 in the pot and im left with 28 quid ,i just shoved and said if you have the 9 fair play to you , of course he had trip 99s ,the point was i wanted to call knowing i was soon leaving anyway , you are a nice bloke , money realy didnt bother me at the time and i just thought im not being bullied around the game and not giving in to the cards im dealt . Did i make a fundamental mistake in not checking back the river card ? yes but i just thought id make the guys day and let him feel happy ,obviously they thought afterwards i would be upset ,when i went to approach the table they thought i was going to be nasty ,but i just shook the guys hand and said best of luck nice hand .Thats all you can do .! I wanted to call and it took me over 10 minutes to do so, i wanted to get out of the place since i was busted in the main mtt event at london vic at the time. I just thought lets go home ,ditch the cash even though i knew he had the nine / That was some years ago , unfortunately my brother is no longer with me.

Ive had many years of beating the same player too in my home games at times it makes me think if someone up there is winding me up , but thats part and parcel of the game at some weird moments.

Take some time off from poker Kev ,do some swimming or something, treat the kids if you have kids to something I dunno what to say , each to thier own basically ,I havent got kids but the kids i do see i put a smile on thier faces ,why ? because it makes them feel comfortable not only about themselves but about life!

not really a people person tbh , and ive had my arguments a lot on the poker scene and on other forums and in poker in general ,some not so nice ,some really argumentative ,some that have wasted a lot of my time and resources on as well ,but I told players i know about the problems . The sites dont seem to care at all much when it comes to making players happy .They dont see all the angles i think ,if they did they wouldnt mess me around half as much as they have done over the years.

best of luck KEV in everything and hope things look up for you in the near future and if you need any help or anything let me know ,even if its just a chat. cheers

regards Aaron

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And in all fairness I am only a beginner on these sites "!!! if you look at my rankings and cashes which by the way are incorrect not pocketfives fault youll notice im on about 4 diff sites , Ok so ive cashed in only 1 good mtt , however on 888 I played the horse race challenge syndicate final $215 about 12 times. did i ever win it ? no.Another example is on absolute poker when I played the 100k main event on late saturday afternoons but in for that was $320 ,I cashed three times in this ,always got little reward for my entrys ,ie nothing over $1000 , always min-cashing in events like this , I played the irish open main event online sattlites finals some 15 times ,did i ever win the package ? nope I had the chance to one year when holding ak but lost all in to pocket sevens all in preflop ,on the bubble for a 7k package , was I angry yep but thats the chance you take ,if I win that hand I make my chance of qualifying moreover easier.Online poker isnt easy .trust me .Ftops/ukops/wcoop/mtops/scoop/ecoop u name it ive played some of them.

I have played a lot of events online ,but hot half as much as the normal regular players , they put that volume in every year in every single tournament , they play being bankrolled ,they play consistant and for a large majority they seem grouped to play consitantly well ,sometimes they have bad downswings but in the majority of the 1000 or so regular online mtters i know on fulltilt /pokerstars/ 888 poker these players will be looking to cash in the tourneys a large percentage of the time.

Anyway I wont go into my results too much ,After cashing $6300 in the hot44 turbo 2nd place On pokerstars I lost $5000 bankroll to odds_oddsen hu plo and his freind, I also lost a $550 mtt to a runner runner fullhouse kings full that was dealt out in a hand where i flopped a flush. On another site I flopped aces full only to be rivered by quad kings , yes that was on "the nutspokerleague" back when they had it on bet365 or something as a skin. So there you go , sick hands,,sick bad beats ,prime time players and fulltime grinders.That is about it.

cheers regards Aaron.

Ps for all those sky poker people out there , my user name was AJW1976 , I cashed in the main event ukops final 9th place out of about 500 runners,I also cashed in the £27 turbo ,final tables again out of around 800 players , I also cashed in both the primo 9th place again, and also bubbled the cash but made the final table in the highroller deepstack main event on skypoker.Some impressive results , they then banned my account for winning too much .! go figure

So gl everyone and dont let the haters get you down . Be lucky

ps there was 1 site that took a lot of money from me also called "nutspoker.com" , not sure why this company based in malta or whereever it is from closed down or whats going on but they recorded a large number of irish open main event challenge finals on this site, I recieved nothing from them ,i never cashed in anything .I think they stole my money intentionally set up by someone as a go-between for the main sites. Im not sure but someone has got to figure out what this site was upto.

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Oh, excuse me, it totally isn't, I think you're right! However, my whole post still applies, I do recognize kevmode as a long time poster though, and anyone who has been around p5s for a long time is someone I respect and would always reach out to. Gl with your stuff bud, like I said, can turn around at any minute!

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weve played before many times ,where i dont know , but your online name is the same as your screename here right?

anyway ive also played someone called "The_SnAiL" . not sure who he is , hes a good pro player from london i think.

think its probably on fulltilt ,and you probably beat me all the time on there, not simply because im not any good but because im always counterfieted with the second nut hand. if you catch my drift.

Anyways thanks to you and good luck seems like youve made 4 million , i havent even made it past $40,000 yet lol,and ive ploughed all my energy and all my money into these online poker sites over the past 10 years!! go figure

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I think understanding how brutal variance can be and truely having the mindset that this is just a game is very important. I mean you could play your best poker of your life and literally cash 0 times all summer.-its the nature of the beast and its not fair, but it is what it is.

Effort is not proportionally rewarded in $$ amounts.- in the short(er) term (could be years of live play)

Try adding more value to your life by making more low risk investments. Exercise could be thought of in sweat equity. Literally all you have to do is complete a workout to reap its benefits and other than injuries there is absolutely no downside. You cannot lose as long as you get out there and do it consistently.

I have had some success in dealing with a horrible outlook by helping others who need it. Could be anything (volunteering at animal shelters, big brother, helping with community activities, working with special needs , or fighting for animal rights ) I find if I make an effort to do something selfless for someone else, it does make me feel better about myself. For me, helping others is a very safe bet because it distracts me from myself and it helps me gain perspective. Most of the time I come away feeling ashamed of myself for letting money guide my emotions because I realize how insignificant financial issues are compared to the real life problems many others face. (ie health problems, disabilities, injustice, etc).

Hope this made some sense and that you are able to find some peace of mind.

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I hear you OP. I figured I'd chime in here as well because I'm a huge bust when it comes to cards as I had a bigger b/r than almost any1 in the world my age when I was 18.

You have a pretty well rounded post Kevmode. Just apply some of these principles in here, maybe see a sports psychiatrist who isnt a douche a few times.

I tend to focus on what I get to do everyday. Not where I could be or where I think I should be, but it still is pretty hard in the society that we live in. I set goals of course, but just try your hardest and that's all that matters really. I still struggle with this because I had a chance to be a solid pro for many years if I just had applied bankroll mgt principles.

If we just dwell on what could have been, we'll be miserable people. It is not a fun place to be. I've been in that place for years worth of time. At the end of the day you just have to snap out of it and find balance or whatever it is that will allow you to seperate personal self esteem with poker results.

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hey kev, what helps is finding something else to do, something that you enjoy immensely, that when you are doing it - you don't think about poker at all

golf was it for me and i believe quite a few others, whatever the hell it is do it as soon as the dark thoughts start entering your mind and don't go back to the felts until completely refreshed and you actually want to play again

also taking a couple of weeks holiday away with no internet is fkn amazing - reward yourself for grinding and winning/losing, every other worker does

gl man

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Good post OP. I often struggle with exactly what you're saying as well. I think at some point every professional struggles with this. I've come to the conclusion that you have to be so fucking mentally strong to be a professional poker player for numerous reasons that have nothing to do with variance or anything related to poker. We sit in front of a computer by ourselves for 40+ hours a week. We have little to no human interaction during that time period. That in itself is enough to get you anxiety or make you go a little crazy lol. I know that was and still is my problem. I find myself going out and trying to be more active every chance I get when I'm not grinding even if its just running to the store or something stupid for 20 mins. That and exercise/activity are key imo. You have to be healthy and happy before you're successful playing poker or its all for nohting.

Also, doc31 you are the worst poster in the history of not just pocketfives but every forum that ever existed. If for some stupid reason I try to read your childish jibber of run on sentences that last 34 lines I want to stab my eyes out with a pencil. Then I move on to the next post and its like you go into a different personality and post some other random nonsense that continues to make me want to jump out the window. Then when I think it has to end you seriously go and make another post right after your previous 2 posts of 118 lines that continues to spout complete and utter fuck.

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I really appreciate all the post in this thread. I have not read this entire thread yet but I plan on lifting weights and running to get in better shape. I think for me working out will be a great stress reliever and a positive thing in my life. It was hard for me to put my life out there with my emotions but I felt it was worth it to improve my life and get some good advice from friends on this great site. Gl guys I will work on my outlook on life and you should do the same. Poker is just a game but I want to win obv. Maybe I won't be as good as others but dammit I want to try and play my best no matter what people say. There are a lot players who think I am a joke but that is ok, it fuels my drive and desire to be a solid player in tournaments. I hope everyone has success reading this and realizes that poker is tough and really messes with you mentally when things are not going your way. This could be a great thread for other players that struggle with the losses like I do. If I have a losing session I don't want it to affect my normal life with my friends or family.

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If you're going to work out, don't just run on a treadmill or something like that. Go run in a forest if there are any near you or some natural area. You'll feel much better. Too many distractions at gyms or if you just workout at your house. It's best to get away from the situation completely so all you have is yourself and your thoughts. It also doesn't help that (assuming you live in the US) you can only grind a few small sites. Hard to get motivated for sessions on carbon/bovada etc.

GL KEEP GRINDIN

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Good luck Kev. I don't know if it will help, but would consider checking out Jared Tendler's books and/or videos about tilt.

Great idea, one of my students also takes lessons with Jared as well, and the difference of mental approach to the game is night and day. Would highly recommend checking out his book or enlisting in lessons with him.

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Strongly agree with Wacky, its a tremendous help to seek for the mentor that will tell you the words you need. There is pleeeenty of good stuffs to be found and it can in nearly any case only bring you some great help.

Detachment is a huge key, we can only be "mad" at ourself when we make wrong decision. If we play our A-B game all the time, we should not have any bad feeling after a session. Sure some rough beat worth a lot on money can take a little time to swallow but if we have our far share of regular mental stretch, we can reduce this drastically.

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Kev, very important to setup yourself to be able to think about what you have-like-want to do most of the time.

There is a balance between bad thinking (emotionally bad) and good thinking. One key is to try to think about the good things as much as possible and it is def something we can control, its a learning to handle our thinking :-)

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want to change your life! do something life changing.

cliche? i think that stuff gets cliche for a good reason.

Am i going to answer my own questions all the way through this post? im not sure how to answer that..

what do i know? My mental attitude at poker is a pretty major bain atm. im on the verge of losing my family home that i worked my ass off building with family over weekends (whilst working full time) -took years. and has cost too much. now after 2 years in it, we're at that point where nothing short of a poker win will do. sucky. losing at poker is not fun under this sort of pressure and so far, im having my worst year, since i started. and im still working full time.

aaaanyway i guess my point is IF shit hits the fan, im a happy man still. my sore bummed poker ass and everything. i got a lot to be happy about family, mrs, kids, good old pals and if i have to start a new chapter and start something else that will be something too. ill just be pissed if thats when i bink the big one.

cliche shit off the top of my head; festivals, volunteer work, hell just work + do some good, make something is a good one whoever said that, learn something new, you know.. you can probably think cheesier..

Im off to try satty into the hot 55 and save the day here. =)

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Hey Kevmode I'm currently at work but just wanted to show my support sir. I'm always around and on Skype, talking poker and studying poker. Feel free to hit me up or I'll just reach out to you when I'm free. Always fun too rail or be in the loop with others who love and work very hard at this game. Best of luck and I'll be in touch man. Life is a bitch sometimes and I've been through a ton of tough times, with life and Poker. I'm no religious Bible beater, But I do pray to God relentlessly! Life has gotten no easier as I've gotten older. But I am humble and I thank God for allowing me to become a better person and a better man.

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I can relate to alot of your post Kev, having a pretty tough time myself and am wondering if it's possible to burn yourself out so much that no amount of time away brings back the positive, determined and hungry mindset necessary to succeed as a pro. Definately you should be working out, I read somewhere that it is especially refreshing for poker players because you can be 100% results oriented for once. Good luck sir.

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"Success through a positive mental attitude" by napoleon hill. for live happiness/ positivity.

"The mental game of poker" by tendler for strictly poker.

Positivity and happiness go right together imo. Both above books are great on this topic but all of Napoleon Hill's books are the nuts on life success if u ask me.

Many miserable fs are miserable for the same reasons as the grateful dude feels blessed. One concentrates on the failed things / relationships and one concentrates on success or positive relationships. For some mysterious reason they both attract more of what they concentrate on into their life. nooooo shit right. So change your thoughts + actions to follow to attract what or who u want into ur life. I also feel like eating healthy and / or working out helps a lot. gl kev.

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