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JKoblyn

Kidneys for Koblyn

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Warning: this is going to be long. (that's what he said)...

For those who have noticed my extended absence and haven't been able to really enjoy their lives without worrying about me, I figured I'd surface for a bit today. For those of you wo only recently signed up for OT for the riveting political discussion, I used to be a big deal around here, living in Okinawa and shipping exotic snack boxes to roundeyes while making poor poker staking decisions, and may or may not have dated a girl off the Wendy's dollar menu.

Friday before Memorial Day I still had some annoying respiratory issue that wouldn't go away, and the Sudafed I'd been taking was making it worse. I told my boss I was going to the walk in clinic to try and get something better, and I'd be back in a bit. After a negative covid test, they let me in and take my blood pressure. then she says those words everyone hopes their doc will say: "Mr. Koblyn, sorry I'm a huge fan of the OT Times. You need to go to the ER right now. Can you do more kellykip korner's?"  

Back when Dolphin died, I remember kip posting that his story had made him start going to the doctor where he was able to get on meds to prevent blood pressure issues he didn't know he had. Probably should've followed suit, but I ain't no hipster so I stayed away and let my shit build up for a few more years. Get to the ER and they're like "how the fuck are you alive?" Blood pressure off the charts. Heart pumping critically low. Are you aware your kidneys aren't working? Do you think AaronHacker is real?

Got transferred to a different hospital. Docs flipped a coin and decided to put me in cardiac wing. Day 2, woke up to find some sick fuck had taken a black curtain and put it over my left eye to take away 96% of my vision. I told the nurse and 16 people come running in the room. He must've had a stroke. That's gotta be a stroke. Isn't he the one who catfished bfactor? has to be a stroke. I'd like to stroke that. Can you grab my hands and push? you're still strong, but it's gotta be a stroke. let's do an MRI to prove it's a stroke.

MRI: this is not a stroke you fucks.

Everyone else: but if it was a stroke, we'd have been right. we're going to move you to the stroke wing.

Day 3 - 12: heart isn't working right because of high blood pressure, which either caused or was caused by kidney failure. best case scenario is kidneys are fine once BP gets under control, but can't find out for 5 days since they wouldn't do a biopsy on me until 5 days of no aspirin. to hold me over while waiting, I got a catheter put in the chest for dialysis, 2 more MRIs, a cat scan, steroids, spinal tap, and a marathon of guy's grocery games. Finally the biopsy tells us what we'd all be hoping for...irreversible kidney damage, 3 days dialysis a week until a kidney donor can be found.

the good news is we can now send you home. here's 13 prescriptions, a diet guide so as not to die from eating sodium, phosphorus, or bananas, something to pee in from bed, and a walker. yes, yes, you'll need that...you haven't walked in 12 days you lazy fuck. oh right one more thing....don't ever drink more than 1500ml of liquid in a day or you'll probably die. yes, anything that can melt into a liquid counts. wait...your semen or someone elses? either way don't go over 1500.

current status: dialysis fucking sucks, but I'm getting better at it. go to an outpatient place 3x week which is basically a converted hair salon for immigrant women who spoke too little english to get that cleaning lady job Biden promised them. Aside from not being told to skip my BP medication as it caused me to drop low enough to pass out unattended for 3 hours and have to be carried into my house by my fucking father, it's a pretty good place.

found out I was a really popular dude. hundreds of people reaching out to my wife for support. people I haven't seen in 10 years are sending dinners so she doesn't have to cook. my parents are keeping my kids occupied and will likely take them away soon so my wife can focus on managing all my appointments while reading labels to make sure I don't eat something that causes sudden death. vision back 80% and getting better with my roids, BP  staying under control, physical therapy just started and I'm making that fucker push me hard. he came with a light plan and I told him to kick my ass. I wanted to die when he left but holy shit it felt great. I'm going to own this shit.

this is starting to ramble, and I need to go plug my chest tube into a machine to suck out my blood and clean it. i'll be back to check the tumbleweeds and Trump arguments later. I feel like I'm in a good spot now but would love to use this thread as a pick me up when needed. if interested in helping, you may do so by the following:

PMs: donkwood

epic chops: post itt

hand histories: pm JB

kidney donor tests: www.rush.com/koblyn/

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Your wife is still welcome to vaca in Maine.  She won't be getting a red hot dog iykwim.

Here's to hoping for a transplant, it's possible to live fairly normal after, minus the diet and rejection meds.

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36 minutes ago, JKoblyn said:

hundreds of people reaching out to my wife for support.  

I can help you out here.  Already know she can deal with an annoying accent so that's half the battle.  

For real tho, that is a scary fucking story.  You are lucky as fuck to be where you are right now. 

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Holy shit man. Glad you got it taken care of in the nick of time before you stroked out.  How high was your blood pressure?

I’m pretty ignorant as far as transplant lists, but any word on how long it could take?  

If you have any medical questions, don’t hesitate to ask. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll make something up or find it out.  

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Hang tough brother.  I actually have a personal knowledge of a kidney transplant patient.   My girls best friend gave her kidney to the father of a girl we all know.  All casino employees at the time. This was over 20 years ago. So any questions I’ll try to help and ask her. 
 

Everyone else you want to lower your BP? Get your ass to the gym and exercise.  Your heart will approve.  I am a fat piece of shit that PLuv despises.  I mean fat. But 130/78BP no meds for someone 650 lbs is impressive. And it’s because I get a workout at least 5 days a week without fail.  Sure I’ll be dead in 15-20 years hopefully.  But fuck it we had fun.  GL JKL.  

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2 hours ago, MUPokerPlayer said:

Holy shit man. Glad you got it taken care of in the nick of time before you stroked out.  How high was your blood pressure?

I’m pretty ignorant as far as transplant lists, but any word on how long it could take?  

If you have any medical questions, don’t hesitate to ask. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll make something up or find it out.  

something like 250/x, don't remember what x was. never felt bad. 2 weeks before it was 100 points lower.

will find out more about transplant time/expectations soon. we have a meeting set up soon.

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39 minutes ago, AFink93 said:

Hang tough brother.  I actually have a personal knowledge of a kidney transplant patient.   My girls best friend gave her kidney to the father of a girl we all know.  All casino employees at the time. This was over 20 years ago. So any questions I’ll try to help and ask her. 
 

Everyone else you want to lower your BP? Get your ass to the gym and exercise.  Your heart will approve.  I am a fat piece of shit that PLuv despises.  I mean fat. But 130/78BP no meds for someone 650 lbs is impressive. And it’s because I get a workout at least 5 days a week without fail.  Sure I’ll be dead in 15-20 years hopefully.  But fuck it we had fun.  GL JKL.  

You are really 650 pounds?!

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1 hour ago, JKoblyn said:

something like 250/x, don't remember what x was. never felt bad. 2 weeks before it was 100 points lower.

will find out more about transplant time/expectations soon. we have a meeting set up soon.

Make sure to take a bunch of pictures of yourself in the hospital.  Then use them to pressure Stephen King on Twitter into letting you do The Long Walk screenplay.  Because of how much it's always meant to you and your loved ones. 

Be subtle.  Subtle like a fox

You're welcome.

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