Everyone has been at a table with a Donkey. What’s a Donkey? Gank says it’s any other player besides him. But a Donkey is just a real inexperienced player that really doesn’t understand the subtleties and strategies of NL Hold ‘Em. It’s the player that limps in from any position with what I call pretty cards. You know like any 2 suited cards, any cards that connect, any A(x), or really any face card. If you raise him he’s still going to call with his pretty cards. A Donkey has no concept of what a kicker is or what it means to be “in position”. Their trademark saying is “it was suited”.

You’ve cursed them and told them to die when they suck out with J7 off suit. So what if you have pocket AA!! They hit a 7 on the flop and no matter how much you bet they will not fold. So you push them all in and BANG; J on the river. Now the truth is you need these types of players. Big stacks are built by terrible calls, so don’t get too bent out of shape when they suck out. Tell them to die and move on.

When I’m at a table, I almost always look for the Donkey that is going to double me up. I plot out a strategy for how to play hands with this guy and try to execute my plan. There are always two key components in a Donkey Plan of Attack:

1. Patience: Bide your time and wait for the right hand. I may fold some big hands to a Donkey before catching him but sooner or later I will catch him. My only fear is someone else beats me to the punch.

1. Never Bluff: Trying to bluff a Donkey is like spitting in the wind. You’re going to end up with a luggy on your nose.

I was playing a $100 SnG on UB, and there was a guy playing very erratically who had built up a huge stack. My first thought was “there’s my Donkey,” but I was cautious. I had never played with this guy before, and he could be a good player laying a foundation for a big trap. He kept making huge raises to take blinds or when he had a few limpers in the hand. After everyone folded, he would show some marginal hand like AJ or A10. Like I said, he had a big stack and could be bullying the table and trying to trap later. After he called 2 All In bets with KQos and KJos, I went with my original impression that he was the table Donkey. He went from having ½ the chips at the table to an average stack in those 2 hands. Not to fear, a few suck outs later and he was right back to chip leader.

We got down to the last 3 players and I took out number 3, making me the chip leader by a few thousand. So this guy starts going all in every hand, taking the blinds. I’m letting him run all over me and just hope he keeps it up. Once he gets about even with me in chips, he slows down. I then pound him for a few hands and get him back down. This triggers the all in bets every hand again–after all it seemed to be working for him, so why not go back to the tried and true. I finally got the hand that always wins, pocket 5s! Knowing I had the unbeatable hand, I quickly called when he moved all in. He flips his massive J 2 and the game is over when he can’t suck out again.

My next Donkey story comes from a PS $150 MTT. This guy liked to limp into a hand, check all the way to the river and if no one bet, move all in. This was an easier guy to go up against-all I had to do is limp in the pot with him and wait for the nuts to hit. I limped with AA once and folded on the river because there was a possible flush and straight. It was doubtful he had either but rule #1 was echoing in my head, and I knew there would be a better spot.

I didn’t have to wait long. Blinds are 15 – 30 and I called another limper with A 10 and the SB called. My Donkey is in the BB and decides to min raise to 60. Of course, everyone calls.

Flop – 9 5 J – Not a great flop for me

Everyone checks

TURN – K – Suddenly I have lots of draws

RIVER – Q – Boom, I have the nuts with the A high straight

So the pot is only $240 at this point. SB checks and my Donkey in the BB does his normal massive over bet of $1110. To my surprise and delight the next player to act moves all in! Worst case I’m going to split the pot so of course I call his all in. The SB folds and in true Donkey fashion the BB calls off the other half of his stack even though he has a 4 card straight on the board, a re-raise all in and a caller. Doesn’t take much to figure out you’ve got the worst hand.

Donkey has J 9 – he hit 2 pair on the flop and figured it would hold

Other guy has 7 10 – bad timing for the sucker straight

Normally I would have bet the turn with all those outs. But even if Donkey didn’t have a hand, he would have made a huge bet on the river, so why take a small pot when I can take down a huge one.

I also want to point out that I’m not making fun of bad or inexperienced players. Everyone has to start somewhere, and we are all guilty of being a Donkey at some point. No doubt many of us are still the Donkeys for players at a higher level.

—Troll