ripomatic - John

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen tennis shoe skiing behind my truck at 70mph. I have been known to use whiskey as mouthwash, crash rave party's at 2:00am, sleep with one eye open, and eat grizzly bear for breakfast . I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I have raced in supercross and placed in nationals. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently without hesitation. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row, only stopping to brush my teeth. I have partyed at cocobongo and walked away only to remorse in not having been kicked out. I have swam with sharks, and swam from jellyfish. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trumpet playing, I can pilot bicycles down severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. I have communicated with baboons and misunderstand deaf mutes. Stingrays are attracted to me. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I dont know martial arts But,I am 180 lbs of pure whooop-ass only because i do know tasmanian devil crazy! I play bluegrass cello, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am a expert marksman, a master welder, an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. yet i sweat when sitting still, I have cleared saddlebacks bonzia hill only to case the triples, I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured Florida with a traveling wakeboard demonstration. I once batted .472. and have struck-out 3 MVPs consecutively. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. Grandparents envy me. I have chased tornado's and run from hurricanes. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. i once raced in a supercross,I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet finished college.